Thoroughly Miserable

Start here! Share your feelings
#1

I’m 21 and female and very hairy. It affects my whole life and i absolutely hate it. I haven’t talked about it with any of my girlfriends cos i’m so embarrassed and i know i’m the only one with the problem. I have hair on my neck, chin, breasts, stomach and a lot around my bikini line.

I had my hormones tested but they came back normal. I went to speak to a lady doctor at my GP surgery but she made me feel like a man and i left in tears. I dont know what to do. i’m ashamed in front of my boyfriend. I wont even let him put his arms around my stomach in case he feels hair throuh my top. i haven’t told him my problem. this isn’t normal and i hate it so much. Everyone else has such confidence in their bodies and i just want to walk around in a big sack so no one see’s my hairyness. I’m like a man and I hate myself for it.

#2

We all understand. There are only two things you can do:

  1. Learn to have an easy acceptance of your physical self.
    Express your feelings with your girlfriends and confide
    in your boyfriend. He probably doesn’t care. Many men are
    not expecting a perfect woman physically. They can actually
    love a woman for the person she is.

  2. You can start to approach the hair you have with a permanent
    hair removal plan. You can start a savings account so money
    is not an issue when you start to implement your plan.
    Meanwhile, you can start to research laser and electrolysis.
    While you are researching laser and electrolysis, you can do
    temporary methods to help you disguise your hair problem.

Hating your physical self is a destructive cycle that makes you worse off. Planning and working hard at making that plan a reality, is better than any pill or therapy a psychiatrist can give you. You can continue to vent here, we do listen and care about you, but in the end, this all boils down to self reliance.

So, make a hearty effort to research hair removal, make a financial plan and then go for it when you are in a better position to be successful. We are all dealt certain cards in life and we can be stronger than than we think when problems steal our happiness. There is no easy way down, but there is a way down. Hating yourself does not remove the hair. Use your energy to be the best you can be. Be stubborn about this to get what you want if “willing” yourself to accept yourself as you are is not an option.

Dee

#3

As much as you may feel like you’re the only one who has this problem, I can assure you that you’re not. I am 25 and have had the same problem since I was about 17 – abnormal hair on my neck, breasts chest and stomach. For the past 8 years I have suffered in silent misery, letting no one know about my problem, and letting it absolutely cripple my social life. This contributed to very bad depression where I stopped taking care of my body in other ways – eating a bad diet, not exercising, even bad hygiene. I just didn’t see the point in trying. Believe me, I can sympathize with feelings of self-loathing.

I also know how you felt when you went to see your doctor. That feeling of exposing yourself to another person and feeling like they are judging you is horrible. After 8 years of concealment, I finally was able to accept myself enough to go to a doctor. The first doctor that I went to (internal medicine, for another issue), when I mentioned my hirsutism he did give me some information, but also gave me a nasty smirk and a snide attitude. He might as well have just pointed and laughed for how bad it made me feel.

Luckily a close friend that I confided in was able to persuade me to try again, or I probably would have avoided going to the doctor for another 8 years because of the embarrassment of that first appointment. I found another doctor (gynecologist) who was much more understanding and sympathetic to my problem. Though not all of them seem to be, some doctors are actually in the profession because they have a genuine desire to help people.

I was pretty surprised by what I found out from my second appointment. My doctor actually recommended a low-dose birth control. My periods are mostly (but not always) regular – in addition to helping with that, she said it may also help get rid of hair growth by reducing testosterone. She said that hormones can fluctuate a lot with a woman’s cycles (pure speculation on my part, but maybe that’s why your blood tests didn’t show anything). She also told me that abnormal fluctuations (causing irregular periods and unusually high testosterone levels) can create a significant risk of cervical cancer. I was afraid of birth control, because I have heard some horror stories about blood clots. But from what my doctor told me, my risk of blood clots will be smaller than my risk of cancer would be if I leave the problem unchecked. I’ve decided to risk the side effects of the pill, especially because of the added benefit that it might help with my hair problem. This isn’t meant to be advice, as I know this option probably isn’t the right choice for everyone. But I would encourage you to find a good, understanding doctor to at least talk about it with.

In the mean time, I am learning to accept my body and heal the damage that I’ve done to it over the past decade. Remember… as hard as it is not to identify with them, all physical attributes are temporary. I speak from experience when I say, you will be much happier if you forgive and accept them for what they are and just live your life. True friends will value you for who you are on the inside. And if people judge? You shouldn’t feel ashamed. Everyone has flaws, and this particular flaw is one you had little or no control over.

Dee is right when she says that hating yourself doesn’t solve anything. It makes things so much worse. I find it so ironic that the same self-hatred and embarrassment that kept me from going to the doctor for so long may have been keeping me from the solution to the problem causing the self-hatred and embarrassment to begin with.

I hope you can find some good friends and a good doctor to confide in. Keeping it a secret will only make you feel worse in the long run.

Good health and happiness to you.

Amanda

#4

It is a problem most people in here looking for help feel. I say dont let it get you down, make a positive move forwards wether it to be accepting it or doing something about it. Seek advice or help on here, everything you need to know is here if you spend time researching :slight_smile:

#5

You made reference to the fact your hormones were checked. Birth control pills help many people , however, they do not work for everybody and pregnancy is a possible “side effect” that is listed on the label in the package. NO PILL IS 100% EFFECTIVE ON ALL PATIENTS. If you have not read THE LABELING ask the pharmacist for the package insert and you will learn more about the pills. Each one is slightly different than the other and that is why there are so many out there. The goal is to find the pill with the LOWEST amount of estrogen that works for you. The reason they look for this is because the estrogen is what causes the clots. That is why some women who do not take the “pill” get clots too. IT IS THE ESTROGEN THEIR OWN BODY MAKES.

IRREGULAR AND/OR SKIPPED PERIODS are NOT the SAME. I had a patient with no periods for 2 years. She thought it was convenient but did not connect it with the fact this could also mean she was infertile and unable to have children. I suggested she see a REPRODUCTIVE ENDOCRINOLOGIST or any ENDOCRINOLOGIST who was interested in her type of problem (preferably a physician who was also a female) as there are a number of disorders that can cause her hair problem but they are all associated with the production of too much male hormone. You have to understand, “NOT ALL DOCTORS GRADUATED AT THE TOP OF THE CLASS.”

IF YOU LIVE NEAR BOSTON there is an excellent department of endocrinology at HARVARD I can suggest who specializes in your problem. Most of the docs are female and they understand this problem thoroughly. Many reproductive endocrinologists are more interested in helping women conceive but these docs are interested in helping the TOUGH cases.

#6

i suggest that you see a specialist regarding your case. There are a lot more bigger problems that individuals have for you to pity yourself. A lot of products to help you. You’re case is far lighter than a man who had his facial skin burnt.

#7

Find another doc. They all did not graduate at the top of the class. Somewhere in this world is the WORST doc in the world. He/she has patients who love their doc but do not know this doc is the worst in the world. When a doc comes across a patient that he/she can not help, ethically , they are supposed to refer the patient to another doc. If she won’t … FIND A NEW DOC.

You are very young, consequently, there is something wrong here. All hair growth is due to extra male hormones.The most common is POCD (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Since hormones are the culprit you would have additional symptoms of a hormonal nature. Irregular periods or skipped periods would be obvious. That is anything over 30 days or under 21 days. Do you have any skin eruptions that resemble ACNE?How about weight gain that you can’t get rid of even with very strict dieting. Hair in places where women do not grow hair but men always grow hair (a male pattern distribution). You MUST SEE A DOC, preferably an endocrinologist. If your periods are not regular or have stopped that is a sign that the patient is at high risk to develop cancer of the uterus. You MUST FIND ANOTHER DOC. When a doc does not know what the problem is… that does not mean EVERY DOC DOES NOT KNOW. The rest is up to you.

ALSO IF THE HORMONES ARE ARE OK (there are 2 different tests (testosterone and DHEAS) SHE SHOULD DO MORE TESTS to find out what the problem is OR REFER YOU TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS. Tell her you would like to see an endocrinologist. You can tell her you made a friend on the internet with the same problem and she was referred to an endocrinologist who found the problem. She had “late onset adrenogenital syndrome”. Don’t be afraid. The doc did not have any trouble picking up the money you paid.

Let us know what happened.

#8

Try to schedule an appt with a reputable endocrinologist in your area (other doctors are not great at thing) to determine whether you have any hormonal issues. Most of the areas you describe are normal to have hair on. Facial hair, however, may be an indicator of a hormonal problem, if it’s very bad. Is the hair coarse or fine? How much of it do you have on the face?

Then set up a plan of how to handle the issue. There are options out there for you, includin cheap ones that include shaving. You can also get a part-time job and start saving for laser and electrolysis treatments for other areas. Bikini is easily treated with laser and is not that expensive at around $100-150 per treatment (you’ll need 6-8 spaced 2-3 months apart, so you have time to save up in between). Facial hair and breasts will need electrolysis.

#9

Im like you- except ,my guy is a div and is always too busy to see me - this works out fine really for me so I havent got rid of him. Im same age too, and went for blood tests nothing. Im so depressed and stressed out it 2:40 am and all i think about is this. I really dont know what to do- im putting myself in for lots of electrolysis treatment next week to get the face done. I stopped having laser and all these hairs have sprung up. I just wax body hair but now im thinking in some areas this isnt working. I see where your comming from completely- message me ever if you want

#10

I totally get what you’re saying. I’m 23 and have had the same issue as you for the past 10 years of my life. It’s making me miserable. And, like you, I went to a doctor - an endocrinologist - who did all the tests that people are always talking about… In fact I had three tests done and they all came back “normal.” I had them done previously at a different doctor, including a 24 hour urine collection; everything came back “normal.” I hate it when people say “find a good doctor.” There are only so many endocrinologist around. I know that in my area there are about 4 (and I live in a relatively big city). Most of the work at hospitals and specialize in diabetes and children’s issues… that’s because every single one of them is a man. Last time I checked the nearest one that deals with gynecology and internal issues (other than diabetes) and is also a woman is 130 miles away. I couldn’t afford to drive that far, and now I absolutely can’t afford to have random blood tests done all the time only to have them say the exact same thing that the rest of them did. And don’t even get me started on getting an appointment with one of those people. The first time I called it took three months to get an appointment. Unfortunately, I recently figured out that there is a women’s center in my area that may have had better information than my endo… but it’s too late because I no longer have insurance or a paying job.

Let me just tell you that you are not a man, and don’t worry about the boyfriend issue. I am sure that he loves you enough that he doesn’t care and wouldn’t care even if he knew about your problem. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and so far he’s never said a single word about it… so don’t worry. If he loves you he really won’t care.

As for the comments regarding the hair being normal. Ok, I get that we ALL have body hair, it’s part of being human. But when the hair is excessive, long (like it is in my case), that is not considered normal by any means. It is a problem. And I really hate when people suggest electrolysis or laser as well. Firstly, some of us have very light body hair and you can’t laser that. When it’s blonde or nearly blonde a laser won’t do a thing. Besides, I’ve read enough about laser that I know how ineffective in can be, not to mention expensive. Such cosmetic procedures are very expensive, and who can afford that in this economy? All the money comes out of your pocket.
And the same goes for electrolysis. When you have hair all over your body you can’t just go ahead and decide to do electrolysis. How many years would it take to zap off every single hair? And how many thousands of dollars. It’s extremely unreasonable.

All I can tell you is that you are no alone and I hope that you (and I, and everyone else in the same situation) figures out a way to deal with it very soon. It’s an extremely depressing topic; especially when you are pretty much the only person you know with the problem and can’t just go around talking about it in hopes that others will understand… because they don’t. People are very judgmental these days. If a doctor makes you feel bad than imagine how the public would react.

#11

Just in case you have not read this at other places on the site yet, it would do you well to get a copy of Julia Ross’ book The Diet Cure, and possibly the follow up book, The Mood Cure. There is important information in those books for you. You might also be well served to read Drug Muggers by Susan & Samuel Cohen.

#12

I’m sorry, but I don’t see how a book about dieting is going to help anyone. Sure, if you eat an extremely unhealthy, overprocessed diet it will help you lose weight and other health issues. I, for one, lead a relatively healthy lifestyle, don’t eat out at fast food restaurants, make my own food most of them them (or have someone else make it for me) out of fresh ingredients. My diet has nothing to do with my problem. I’ve read reviews on this book and it sounds useless to me personally (as I don’t have weight or diet issues in any ways whatsoever).

I also don’t take drugs other than my bc pills and Spiro… so the final suggestion is also of no help to me personally.

The second one might we worth reading, but, like I said, that is not going to change the fact that many of us have problems that we cannot do much about other than expensive procedures (and the problem I’m talking about here is obvious as we are on a HAIR forum).

#13

The book is NOT about Dieting.

It is perhaps an unfortunate title. Anyone who has actually read the book knows that it is not a Diet, in the sense of “LOSE 50 POUNDS IN 13 SECONDS USING THE SECRET OF THE STARS!”, it is a book about the complicated chemical reactions and balances that must be present in the body for a healthy life. As such, it explains how certain things cause disease and disorder from environmental and dietary factors, and what foodstuffs, vitamins, minerals, proteins, amino acids, and so on will help to make real changes.

This book can help people with PCOS, diabetes, OCD’s, ED, Depression, Celiac, and a host of other things.

Don’t believe me? Borrow it from your library and post back here when you have read it.

#14

mallows, I don’t know if you realize it, but almost 100% of the people responding to this and other posts are people who suffer or have suffered from the same hair issue as you. so the comments that are provided are based on similar experiences and everyone is trying to help.

yes, laser is not effective on light hair. yes, many doctors are not good at determining hormonal conditions. that’s life. however, if something bothers you badly enough, there are some solutions and we try to help educate others on them.

most people don’t have extra money, but you’ll find that many people in your situation on this forum took up an extra part-time job to pay for treatments. if someone wants something bad enough, there is often a way to figure it out though I do know from personal experience that it requires sacrifice as well.

of course, there is always a cheap method that involves just good shaving, which is usually great on blond/light hair as opposed to dark hair. and most people of middle eastern decent wax their entire bodies their entire lives. (btw, if you can imagine, having dark coarse hair that leaves a shadow can be a much more devastating problem since shaving and often waxing doesn’t get rid of the hair completely - there is still a shadow and you can tell that there is here there). I know sometimes it seems like your own situation is the worst out there, but others are suffering the same and even more.

finally, i just want to bring up the fact that what’s “normal” is being established by the media. most people have a lot more hair than whatever you would see in magazines, on people on tv, etc. for example, the majority of women have at least some hair on their stomach. some just have longer and darker hairs that are more visible and others have lighter finer shorter hair. both of those versions are still technically normal - one is just more noticeable to someone comparing what they see to what they see in magazines. in medical terms, “abnormal” would be dense relatively coarse hair all over a woman’s stomach. and in middle easter women, even that can be normal and just hereditary depending on how bad it is. by the same token, most women have some upper lip hair. medically speaking, only large patches of coarse dense beard-like hair shows that something is wrong when it comes to hormones.

btw, would you mind posting some pictures of the areas that bother you most?

#15

So if laser doesn’t work on everyone…what are we supposed to use??

#16

Electrolysis works on everyone who is willing to find a good service provider, get first full clearance, and get recleared on schedule until finished.

I have cleared a man’s beard who had an untreated testosterone imbalance. His body was bent on activating and growing hair from every follicle in his beard area and neck. He presented with more than 500 hairs per square inch, and we removed hundreds of thousands of hairs over 5 years (because he refused to take treatments for the testosterone problem) and today, he has a bare face.

#17

I read somewhere that generally it takes 6-8 treatments to get rid of hair. And these can only be done every 8-12 weeks…that sounds like an awful long process to have to go through to get rid of unwanted hair.

Taking 8 treatments at 12 weeks apart means it’ll take over a year and a half. Nievely (however that’s spelt lol) I thought maybe treatment would be done in 6 months.

I suppose the logical thing to do would be for me to actually have a consultation with someone as everyone’s plans are probably slightly different!

#18

Yup, get those consults and sample some short treatments.

You will never be finished in six months because every hair that needs to be treated cannot make to the surface within that short amount of time.

If you get 6-8 clearances of an area in a period of nine months, you may be very satisfied by then, but on the other hand, you may still need a little more help. Just don’t confuse clearances with with zapping an individual hair 6-8 times. Most hairs need only one treatment (zap) but, sometimes a second go around may be needed to finally put it out of commission for good.

Dee

#19

Part time job? That’s nice… if I could find a job at all. I live in Michigan, the worst state in the country as far as employment (or unemployment) is concerned. I graduated from college 4 months ago… I cannot find A job, let alone a part-time (second job). I’ve been looking and applying to anything and everything. There are no jobs here… I can’t even pay my own bills (and therefore am forced to live with my parents )let alone worry about paying for something as costly as hair removal. I can’t go see a doctor for other health related issues since 1) I can’t afford it, and 2) I have no insurance. It’s a sad and depressing situation and there’s really no need to discuss this country’s economy since that is not the topic at hand.

As for “areas that bother me”… as I previously mentioned, that would be all of them. From head to toe, and I am not kidding. There is not one place that I can point out and say “well, that’s the worst” because it’s all bad.

I think it’s interesting that people focus only on the “male pattern” hair or whatever. I don’t have that issue… I have a fur issue. As in I have the normal body hair as everyone else, but mine is not normal solely on the fact that it is extremely long. One body hair, lets say from the face, for example, is maybe 1-2mm long. The hair on my face, back, chest, stomach, arms, etcetera is about 1cm long… that is at least 5 times longer than it is on an average person.
Electorlysis on one’s entire body is impossible… especially, as Coco mentioned, it takes multiple treatments for just one small area. It would take a lifetime to treat someone’s entire body. I am neither a millionaire nor do I have a lifetime to dedicate to removing the issue. In fact, all I have time for now is looking for employment.

I know that the media plays a very important role in what’s considered “normal” by the public. However, I have read enough medical information after researching this issue for years, and read it from medical sources. What’s considered abnormal definitely fits the description.
And I know plenty about the role heredity plays in body hair. I am not Middle Eastern or from any other descent where it’s considered “hereditary” to have excessive amounts of hair… which is especially bothersome since it’s obvious. Not a single member of my family (from both sides) has the issue, so heredity plays no part in the problem.

#20

Coco, what you’re describing is actually spacing and number of treatments needed for laser. This isn’t due to laser itself. It’s due to the way hair grows, i.e. in cycles. It takes at least 9 months for all hair to cycle through, and with hair removal, you’re trying to kill all of it. Electrolysis also takes that long, but you need more actual treatments, i.e. hours on the table since hair is treated one at a time.

No one said it’s fast, easy, or cheap. Those are just the only viable permanent removal methods currently available that work.

Mallows, there are job issues in every state. I know it’s hard. Believe it or not, I just moved from LA to NYC after leaving my job on my own and am on the job market myself. My situation is probably even more difficult than yours since there are many experienced professionals on the market looking for the same afte rbeing laid off. And even then, I’m able to find part-time work relatively easily. Entry-level work is more abundant than anything else because companies are looking to save money as much as possible and want to hire cheap labor, which is usually entry level. Plus, there are always waitresses, bartenders, etc needed everywhere. Once again, I’m not saying it’s easy, but there are always options - of course you may not think these options are for you.

Can I ask again if you can post a picture of your problem?