Who would you be if you didnt have all these hair?

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#1

Have you guys ever thought about how different your life/personalities would be if you didn’t have a hair problem?

For some reason my body hair problem made me feel like I had to assume a different personality. In school, I’d be friends with feminine girls and I always assumed the role of the token funny girl of the group. I didn’t realize it then, but I guess I was trying to fit how I looked. I felt that somehow baggy jeans and long shirts required that I be the tomboyish friend with self-deprecating humor.

After college, I didn’t get those fun, interesting jobs because I just wanted money, so I can be hair free ASAP. Since I started working in 2008, I’ve finished laser treatments for my lower legs and underarms. So yes, I can wear skirts now :slight_smile: Still working on my arms, thighs, and bikini (they are currently dripping with pepperspots). My others problem areas are nipples, lower back, and ass.

Sometimes I think, damn, this has ruled over my life. I’d probably have a different job if I weren’t thinking of treatments. I never travel, because instead of spending money on airfare, I tell myself to just spend it on hair removal. I very rarely go on beach trips because I’d wax and the thick, disgusting stubble would break through the skin after two days. Also I’ve never been in a relationship, not even on an actual date. I know this is largely due to my insecurity more than anything else. It’s like I have shut out the world just to deal with my situation.

And I’m not even done. Next year, I think I’m ready to move abroad (I’ve wanted to since graduation, but couldn’t imagine living with housemates who would see my legs everyday). I’ve decided to move to Singapore. Simply because it’s the nearest city with electrologists. That means 2+ years more of treatments. It gets tiring, you know? To always think about the next “project”, the next treatment to save up for instead of just living life.

A friend is inviting me to spend 2012 traveling around Africa with him. He’s a few years younger than me but he has experienced the world so much. He said I should stop working for a year and hop from one African country to another. But I told him I can’t. Of course I couldn’t explain my reasons. I can’t expose myself to the sun, and what about my laser and planned electrolysis treatments? I have to come in regularly, I can’t do that if I’m moving around Africa.

I try to stay positive, I really do. But god, I think I’ll be a more feminine, flirty, confident, adventurous, jet-setting person if not for all these hair. I’m just dying to live outside of myself, do normal and ridiculous things just because I can — spend money on travel instead of laser, pack my bags, go on a safari, wear a skirt and a sleeveless top in the daylight, sleep with someone without hiding my hairy ass, go to places I’ve never heard of, fall in love.

As Foer would put it, sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.

#2

I would definitely be a bit more confident and outgoing than I am right now. I’ve always been quiet and passive, but since my hair situation has worsened over the years, I’ve basically turned into a hermit.

It angers me thinking of how much money I’ve spent on hair removal. I could have used that money on a new car, but instead I’m stuck with trying to figure out how to end this vicious cycle.

I’ve had multiple laser treatments on my arms, armpits, bikini line, and above the stomach and it has helped considerably, but I still shave my whole body and it is very time consuming. Over the past couple of years I’ve been dealing with this horrible facial hair problem (worsened by laser treatments) and over the past year I’ve been struggling to get it under control with electrolysis. More money out of the pocket, along with more insecurities with trying to hide scabs, scars, discoloration. I just really hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel at least for the facial hair. Don’t get me wrong, my body hair disgusts me, but at least I’m able to manage and hide that easier from society. It hasn’t kept me from obtaining relationships and I’ve even been honest with this current guy I’ve been seeing and he accepts me facial, butt, stomach, breast hair and all, which is a relief. I still feel extremely self conscious, none the less.

There are so many things I would love to do in life. Hell, I would like to enjoy a sunny day without wondering how my face looks when the sun hits it. I remember I use to be so much more active when this hair wasn’t as big of an issue as it is now. I can definitely relate to you and I would hope with all of this money we are investing that there will be a point where we are able to live to our full potential without this issue bogging us down!

#3

I can say you I feel the same… I live such “life” the last five years and its extremely tiring…

It is a mystery to me how can such unimportant thing change peoples lifes that much - there are bigger problems out there (for example sight problems, …) and people having them arent that much influenced like those having 100% healthy bodys, 100%good sight and just some hair on them where it shouldnt be.

#4

me too :frowning: i hate not being able to just go to the beach, i hate knowing i have to wax my arms, bleach my stomach and back hairs and wax my moustache all the time, i hate knowing i so far have spent nearly $4000 on electrolysis and not near finnished, i hate after having my electrolysis treatments i have to be a ‘hermit’ until the scabs go, i seiroulsy just wish i could just pay $20,000 and know i will def me hair free! but nope hats never going to happen… but yer i hate being hairy so i def feel i would be differnt if i wasnt…

#5

Yes, I can relate. I grew up feeling ugly and ashamed. I too often took on more ‘butch’ roles when in the company of more ‘feminine’ women. I can’t remember not worrying about it. First shaved my arms, with my mom’s razor, at the age of 6.

But what you say is worrying. Truly. Now, I don’t know how much hair you’ve got… if it’s quite a lot, as in, comparable to a m-t-f transition, that’s one thing, and I get it.

But to move to a particular country just because it has a lot of electrologists… to avoid a possibly life-changing trip with someone you get on with well… to have chosen and continue to choose hair removal over a career… that is concerning. It’s certainly a high price to pay.

Would you consider maybe taking a break from all this, for a little while, and then going back to it? Sounds like you really need it. Maybe even just for this potential trip to Africa - or, for example, for however long it would take to work your way up to a job that could handily cover the costs? There are much cheaper/convenient/portable ways to temporarily cope with hair in the meanwhile… I mean I don’t know whether they’d be satisfactory to you… what’s your hair like? What can you live with?

Here’s my mix and match, as a for instance. Did electrolysis on neck, chin, nipples, and lower belly. That took around 8 months (worthwhile, absolutely, want to validate that. But psychologically difficult). I trim the vellus hair on my arms, up to the shoulder, with a trimmer on 1. I ignore my back (fine, very light brown vellus hairs), because no one sees it in winter, and in summer I wind up going brown enough for it not to be noticeable. Stomach and breast (vellus hairs), I’ve bleached, shaved, and ignored. Upper lip, I shave. Bikini, trimming/shaving [not happy with that], laser soon. For me, this is acceptable. And, crucially, affordable.

I mean, I admire your commitment. Seriously. What you’re doing is ultimately empowering, without question. It really sounds like you need a break, though. Your body wants a little pleasure. Right now it’s only getting anxious concern and pain.

I want to say, there are potential partners out there who will not see your hair, or who will see it and not care. I found one. Lots of hairy women have. They exist. When I found mine, I cared a lot less what anyone else thought. I’m not saying I entirely lost my self-consciousness (I’m still unlikely to wear a strapless dress), but it was, probably, 78% easier to live normally. I’ve since broken up with that guy, but in the time I was with him, and since, my hate for my body has relaxed to the point that my grab-bag of tools is ok.

Sorry you’re feeling this…

#6

Thanks for the kind words, greenasgrass. I think I’m somehow moving towards the direction of being able to live with my condition while simultaneously having a more authentic life (in contrast to pretending to be “butch”). I’ve always wanted to experience working abroad, in fact embarrassment from having loads of hair stopped me from doing so. Now that my lower legs look pretty normal (except for the pepperspots) I realized I can finally push through with moving and also get electrolysis.

The wonderful thing about finding this website is the startling realization that several men and women go through the habit of primping themselves to look “normal”. All the while I was chasing after this state of perfection because it seemed like the normal way to live. I bleach sometimes too and I’m trying to establish a system/routine like yours of managing the hair instead of hiding them in drab clothes. I don’t think I’m ready to drop everything and do Africa, though. I’m not there yet. I’m giving myself a couple more years to somehow work on this and then I’ll stop! I gotta say the initial effect of being hair free on my lower legs was so liberating. To be able to wear skirts, to get hit on and feel like a woman after years of feeling just about as feminine as a tree trunk. Quite addictive, you know!It made me want to duplicate that feeling on other parts of my body.

You are lucky to have found someone who accepted you as you are, and I felt so happy reading about married/romantically happy hairy women here. Made me realize how tough I am being on myself. It’s a work in progress. It’s not easy to shift paradigms when all I’ve been about all these years is a worker fixated on saving money for treatments and shutting down all other aspects of life. I’m working on it. I get good days, like those wow, I’m-perfectly-normal feeling. Then on some days I see groups of girls on the beach looking effortlessly hairfree while the wet vellus hair on my tummy and lower back looks damn prominent and I’m like, nah, there is still work left to do. It is not the only thing in my life anymore, but it still has to be done.

I also follow blogs of women who are strong enough not to shave their pits even though they only have normal body growth. I’m so amazed by their courage! Quite inspiring.

And yes, Miro. It’s mindboggling to think that all this hair, they are not health-threatening and we can actually live healthy lives with them but yet they have the capacity to paralyze us so. I’m really working on having a life while doing something about the hair thing at the same time.

#7

Strangely enough I used to think exactly the same about being a little over weight as a teenager / young man. (About 3.1/2 stone over weight).

So at age 20 I was very motivated to finally sort it out and got down to a trim 12 stone with 32" waist.

I had the same boring job, the same relationship problems, lived the same place I hated, just I was slim now.

I think its very much human nature to focus on a single problem and believe wrongly that if only you cured that everything would be amazing. Sadly it doesnt happen. There is no fairy tale happy ending, life is about making the best of the hand you are dealt. Getting slim or sorting the hair problem out can fit in that, but it still isnt the answer to everything.

Remember there are plenty of slim hairless people out there who are desperately unhappy still.

#8

Found this video. I believe it explains certain concepts in a good way. Take a look.

#9

Certainly, I would be a more confident person.

It is not easy growing up getting teased and bullied about being hairy. You become reserved and shy after time. You also become super self-conscious. I can’t help but think if someone is thinking about my hair when I am speaking to them, especially if we are outdoors. :expressionless: I never worn a two piece bathing suit or anything revealing in public. I carry a mirror and tweezers everywhere I go, just in case. The list goes on…

However, I experienced the same liberation you experienced when I finished treatments on my lower legs. I am now continuing on other areas like you are. Certainly, my confidence has improved and I feel better about myself.

I hope that you get to a point where you can enjoy your life without worrying about hair. I know that no one can make us accept ourselves. Really, we have to do what we have to do for our well-being. I hope one day you feel free to fulfill your goals and dreams!

#10

[color:#3333FF]I want to be a fish.[/color]

#11

haha ,if you used this diode laser hair removal equipment[http://www.tnvren.com/] to removaled your hair,you’ll be a fish successfull.

#12

You wouldn’t get very far with hair removal using that equipment. I saw the IPL machine and it automatically voided the websites credibility.

#13

While body image has a huge impact on your self-esteem and confidence, don’t forget that you are not what you look like. Also, are you judging others by the way they look? Have you ever just gone out in public and let others think what they want about you? The job market may make certain demands on your appearance, though, and having hair can sometimes cause embarrassment or fear. I hope you will find comfort, encouragement and acceptance here.

#14

There was an interesting study done using fish, where they drugged the fish, and while they were out, painted them or used other makeup tricks to make them look like they had skin diseases. What they found out was that these “Micheal Jackson Thriller Zombified Fish” all started acting like they were outcasts, and pariahs, until the false skin problems “cleared up”.

Interesting.

#15

Take it from the fish, facial hair as well as any other affliction can be debilitating. ELECTROLYSIS is the answer for unwanted hair!

Carmella

#16

Having unwanted facial hair has affected my life greatly in a negative sense. I feel I would have participated in life much more fully if I didn’t have to constantly worry about unwanted facial face. I refrain from participating in certain activities because it would expose my “secret.” I’ve been wearing jeans and a T-shirt since I was a teenager so that my legs stay covered up. (I also have bad varicose veins.) I also wear jeans all summer, so I try to stay indoors in air-conditioning then. (It’s too hot otherwise.) This means that I miss out on a lot of summer fun such as swimming. Swimming also presents a problem because once I dunk my head the coverup make-up would be washed off under my chin and expose all the raw ugliness there.
I also refrain from accepting invitations for travelling where I would have to share accommodations or a bathroom because my “secret” would be exposed. (I only feel comfortable staying at at my sisters’ homes since they are aware of my problem.) Camping is definitely not one of my favourite activities because I wouldn’t be able to deal with my facial hair problem in a situation like that. The list goes on and on…

#17

Oh Neily, I feel your pain. You have to live this double agent life when all you want is to be a true person =(. But you know, I am determined to reclaim my life back, of course there are dreams that I have to say goodbye to but swimming and travelling with friends…these are all things you can get back. I’m in the middle of a huge electrolysis/laser transformation and I won’t stop until I get to live a full life like everybody else, you shouldn’t give up either!

If I didn’t have the hair problem…I probably would have pursued professional dancing.

#18

It’s always sad to hear about people’s dreams being thwarted, especially for something so “trivial” (in the grand scheme of the universe) as body hair. It’s amazing how powerful beauty standards are… However, I also find it very difficult to articulate this point to people who do not understand it. It’s something you have to feel, and then intellectually examine from an economic/historical perspective.

#19

On the issue about make up getting washed off (Neily) - Have you tried camouflage products?
They are waterproof and made of much denser pigments than normal makeup hence less is needed.
Also, they come in an enormous number of shades and tones (even more if you go to a practitioner who has many brands in all the shades) - so you can find one that suits your skin perfectly and apply it correctly.
At least that would be one less worry.
June x

#20

Thanks for the suggestion, Cherrytree. I had thought of what you recommended. I saw a product like this advertised in one of the flyers at a chain drugstore here. I went as far as checking out the price and thinking about it but that was it. For the amount of times I thought I’d go swimming I didn’t think it was worth the trouble or expense. I still go swimming on occasion but stand in the shallow end. I just don’t dunk my head anymore. But I have another problem now. My hair is thinning rapidly on my head (female pattern baldness) and my hair would also look really bad if I dunked my head. I know there are bathing caps to cover your head but that looks so horrible. In addition, I have heavy coarse dark hair that grows on my legs and bikini area and it’s not worth the time or trouble to shave all of that. Even when I do shave a dark shadow remains with black nubs in the bikini area which I’m very self-conscious about. (I usually wear a towel or T-shirt to cover this area up when I’m walking around outside the pool.) Within 24 hours the hair is already growing back, so if I go anywhere where I’d be swimming every day I’d also have to shave every day which is a real hassle. (I used to do this in my younger days before my facial hair got so bad, and it would really irritate the hair follicles on my legs. I think the condition is called folliculitus. It got very itchy and I would scratch and it would get infected.) For all of the above reasons, swimming no longer appeals to me.