Also, if this is actually bullshit, then what product should I use instead? Let me tell you my harrowing tale…
One evening, five or so years ago, I discovered small blonde hairs adorning my previously hairless skin. I still thought it was hairless, but save for this tiny, microscopic, impossible-to-notice fur that had seemingly sprung up all over my body. Most notably, my belly.
What was I to do? Still a child with a child’s reasoning, I gathered that the smartest thing to do was to shave it all off. Naturally, that would be the end of it, yes? These little hairs grew to a certain length and were through, correct? Hairs are dead, so how would they rightly know they’d been shaved off? So little did I know…
And it is five years later. Those fine yellow strands of my body’s pubescence have become sharp black trunks, reddening my skin with every shave. More and more inconvenient they make a daily routine, and more and more noticeable they become. Waxing is too embarrassing, shaving too painful. Tanning is a risky act, in itself bringing a pale white backdrop, making it all the more unsightly and depressing.
This is a curse I am not willing to live with any longer. I made a mistake half a decade ago and I have paid for it for far too long. It is time to reclaim my skin. Reclaim my pores. I should not be made to feel uneasy under my own hide any longer, much less by these archaic, keratin growths.
Won’t somebody please give me guidance? What is “One-Touch?”
