The Worst Part for Me

Start here! Share your feelings
#1

For me, the worst part about struggling with facial hair as a woman is hiding it from my husband. I hate that! By staying on top of the problem, I can hide it from people in my daily life. But the person you live with is just bound to figure out that you’re engaging in constant hair removal. I find that embarrassing.

One thing that’s surprised me about reading this message board is that it seems the problem is more common than I thought. Don’t laugh … but I seriously thought I was in some kind of minority group along with “bearded women” in the old circuses … I swear I could’ve joined if I hadn’t engaged in hair removal all these years!

Something that hasn’t helped has been all the talk I’ve seen lately about facial hair in women being caused by a hormonal imbalance - too much of one of the masculine hormones? That rumor certainly doesn’t help my self-esteem any! Like, what are they saying? I’m half man, half woman? I don’t think so! I do get severe facial hair, but that’s it. I don’t think I’m “masculine” or something.

Anyway, I’m relieved to see that others also have this problem. That it’s not just me and the bearded ladies at the circus. :smile:

I hope some day there’ll be an EASY, CHEAP, 100 PERCENT EFFECTIVE solution to this problem … so that if I ever have a daughter, and she inherits this annoying problem, she won’t have to always worry that her husband’s gonna notice something between hair removals.

#2

I’m really glad you posted this, Anonynmous! I think a lot of women out there think they are the only one, because so few people talk about this.

In reality there are millions of women in the United States alone who have unwanted hair. It’s easy to think we’re the only ones who feel this way, because no one talks about it very much, even with good friends.

In fact, because there is so much secrecy and embarrassment, it’s the perfect thing for scam artists to exploit. They know that many people don’t know much about hair removal or are afraid to ask others. They also know that if they sell some scam product or device, many people won’t even try to get their money back because they don’t want anyone knowing they have unwanted hair.

Unwanted hair can be caused my many different things, and hormone levels are just one of them. As most of us get older, we start to see more unwanted hair, in part due to hormonal changes. That doesn’t mean you are any less female-- some women are just more sensitive to changes in hormone levels, and it affects their hair more than others.

#3

Anonymous,
I sooooooo know how you feel. It is one thing to be on your guard when you are out in public, but at home too. It does get tiring. I have the same problem. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up, how much today, did that thick one come in enough so I can pluck it? Like you, I hide it from my husband of 7 years. I am sure he knows, but has enough sense of self preservation not to mention it. It’s embarassing and it does in a sense make you feel “manly” and unfeminine.
A couple of weeks ago I had finally had it and decided to get electrolysis done. I have had only 4 sessions, but I am already feeling better. I know it’s a tedious process, but I am hoping for the best.
I just want to let you know that you are not alone, and after finding this site, I know I am not alone.

#4

Thank you, Debra!

#5

This might sound stupid, but I have always thought that, these people that make razors and all this shaving stuff, are not going to make any kind of easy hair removal cream, (that guaranteed 100% removal of hair, for good.) I mean where’s the money in that for them? You would’nt have to buy anymore razors, if you have no more hair to shave off. Just a thought! :smile:

#6

Carrie, the hair inhibitor Vaniqa is marketed by an agreement between bristol-Myers/Sqibb and Gillette, the razor blade maker. The big pharmaceuticals and personal care companies know that they could make billions with effective hair inhibition products, and it’s actually a complement to their existing products.

Sometimes the quacks who make unproven products claim that their products are somehow being suppressed by the medical profession or by the big companies, but the truth of the matter is that the big comapnies know very well how lucrative a legitimate hair inhibitor would be. I’m sure we’ll see some interesting results in the upcoming years as this research continues.

#7

</font><blockquote><font size=“1” face=“Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif”>quote:</font><hr /><font size=“2” face=“Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif”>Originally posted by Carrie:
<strong>This might sound stupid, but I have always thought that, these people that make razors and all this shaving stuff, are not going to make any kind of easy hair removal cream, (that guaranteed 100% removal of hair, for good.) I mean where’s the money in that for them? You would’nt have to buy anymore razors, if you have no more hair to shave off. Just a thought! :smile: </blockquote><font size=“2” face=“Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif”>Carrie,
You forgot one part of the equation: true, they would be losing customers who no longer needed razors, but new customers are being born every day!

And those futuristic hair-elimation products would break, wear out, get lost, etc., and need replacement.

If they ever DO invent a permanent, cheap, easy-to-use, painless, scarless, system, I’d be first in line for it…

-rg

#8

Geez I sure know how you feel. I end up shaving my face about twice a day to keep it from my boyfriend! And the worst part about it, is I think he can tell I shave. He can probably see the stubble. He always teases me about how I have to shave my legs every day in order to keep them smooth. God help me the day he brings up the fact that I shave my face! It’s too humiliating. I wish I never started it, but I was about 15 and being teased about facial hair was just not an option. I was desperate. And I was warned too, but bleaching the hair didn’t work and I was terrified of the pain of electrolysis. Oh man if I could only go back in time…

Maybe someday I will have to admit to my boyfriend…and I’m sure he’d be wonderful and supportive. But NOBODY knows so far and it’s definitely not a pleasant thing to admit.

#9

Justme, I’m sure if he knew how sensitive you were about hair, especially facial hair, he’d feel bad for saying anything about your legs. As far as telling him, I am certain he would be supportive, too, but everyone has to do this when they feel comfortable.

#10

I have always had facal hair ever since I was 14…I also have light skin and very dark hair. I bleach it on the sides of my face and use (Nads) wax on my upper lip. the bleach usuly lasts a few weeks. Saving facal hair is never a good idea, but I have had a few friends who started it and were stuck doing it.
I wish when I was younger my mom would of taken control of my hair situation and took
me to get it permanently removed. Also don’t feel bad about having to shave your legs every
day to keep them smooth. I have to also. I’m just very hairy all over and I mean all over…its
not thick but its dark so its noticeable.
When I found this forum I was so glad because now I know I’m not a selected few who
have this problem…a lot of people do. It helps to know that.
:smile:

#11

If misery loves company, don’t worry, be happy. Statistically speaking, 10 out of 10 women will want to have some hair removed from their body (most likely the face) before they die.

As for the situations discussed here, electrolysis with a good practitioner is the best option, as you will go from worrying about this every day, to not worrying about it at all. In fact, the sooner you get to the first clearance, the sooner you will never have a hair that you see, because the electrologist can remove hairs that you can’t see, because you are not looking at it with magnification. It would take 3 weeks for a person to see the hairs we remove because we have magnification.

I dated a lady once who had this problem, and she was agast when I “caught her” shaving one morning. As if I had not already felt the stubble when we kissed. She thought I would be extra turned off because I am a professional hair remover. In truth, I am the least offended by it. I just did not understand why even after it was all out in the open, she still never allowed me to clear it all up for her. She seemed to think that shaving in secret was somehow more feminine than clearing up the problem once and for all. Of course, I am sure I am misunderstanding something, because I am a guy. We are all about hard and fast solutions. If there is a permanent route to our daily manly goals, we take it and never look back.

(So you say that if I buy this Corvette, I won’t have to look for dates on Fridaynights ever again? Sold!) :grin:

#12

I am a very attractive forty-something year old woman- been tweezing,
shaving, since i was 15. my facial hair problem is the absolute bane of my existence…causing me bouts of deep depression. I’ve had electrolysis, and laser treatments over the years- but never could afford to keep the treatments up for long enough to make any difference. i am now thinking of purchasing my own electrolysis equipment, so i might be able to treat myself more affordably.
i see equipment available for under $500. any thoughts on the matter?? i know scarring can be an issue, but i’d take scars over beard - any day!!!

#13

I just want to offer my astonished and heartfelt thanks to Anonymous (who started this topic) and Andrea (who maintains this site). I just discovered it today, and could hardly believe my eyes!

I am yet another one of the millions of “bearded women” who have spent untold anguished years in secret shame over an affliction that in earlier days might have relegated us to sideshows, or being ostracized as “freaks”.

My secret shame has so devastated me that I haven’t even been able to discuss it with any of the psychotherapists I’ve consulted from time to time over the years. Other issues - some of which are terribly devastating - these I can talk about, but my shame over my own body? Not a word.

I have thick, coarse, dark hair, with sideburns, and an extensive beard - beneath my chin and across my throat. I also have very hairy arms and legs. As one 16-year old boyfriend once said to me “you have arms like an ape!”. A little bit of chest hair tops off the mix.

I’ve shaved and tweezed for 20 years - developing painful neck and shoulder problems from the contortions necessary to thrust my chin up to a magnifying mirror so I can see what is growing underneath. I am horrified daily.

I tried electrolysis for a while, but the expense was unmanageable. I didn’t have much income, and didn’t see any tangible results.

More than any other single factor in my life, the shame of my “beardedness” has negatively impacted my personal and social development. Even so, I have a reputation for being strong, outgoing, friendly, and generous. What no one knows, and what I could never reveal, however, has drawn me deeply into despair - time and again.

People do notice, though. When they are close. And I’ve been stared at, gawked at - when they realize that what they are seeing is “5 O’Clock Shadow”. I’ve been asked by children I’ve held in my lap “are you a man or a woman?”.

At 18, I was destroyed when a boy who liked me asked me what those little black things on the side of my face were. He commented “it looks like there are too many for them to be blackheads”. I just shriveled up inside.

I’ve also - from time to time - seen women who for some reason DON’T shave their beards. Usually they have been handicapped in some way, or very poor. Yet, there they were, with very full growth. I ached for them.

Anyway, for what it’s worth - my heart just froze, then burst open, when I read the posting by Anonymous. I felt much less alone knowing that there are others who’ve looked in the mirror and thought that the only way society might accept them “in their glory” would be as a “Bearded Lady” in a circus freakshow.

Thank you, all you brave souls, for sharing your stories and your warmth here. It is just what I needed.

#14

i am now thinking of purchasing my own electrolysis equipment, so i might be able to treat myself more affordably.
i see equipment available for under $500. any thoughts on the matter?? i know scarring can be an issue, but i’d take scars over beard - any day!!!

First of all, I would suggest that if you are set against utilizing the skill of a professional, you should get a partner and trade work on each other. This way, both of you will get better work than you would trying to do work on yourself in a mirror working reverse angles.

Secondly, go to www.HairFacts.com and look at the SCAM PAGES to get the info on all the rip off machines out there. It seems to me that you are talking about machines made by a scam company listed on HairFacts.

Please try to get it together and make arrangements to see a professional. If you saw someone like myself, you would see results very quickly, and if you have nothing that is making more hair grow (and plucking is one of those things) you would have no hair growing where it should not when we are finished, and you would look finished in a month or less.

#15

thanks for your imput james. and thanks to you andrea, as i think that finding this site yesterday has been somewhat of an “epiphany” for me…i’ve been unhappy in my professional life for some time… and am now thinking of going to school to learn electrolysis, so i may help myself and others suffering so greatly from the same affliction.
any advice or suggestions are certainly welcome!!

#16

thanks for your imput james. and thanks to you andrea, as i think that finding this site yesterday has been somewhat of an “epiphany” for me…i’ve been unhappy in my professional life for some time… and am now thinking of going to school to learn electrolysis, so i may help myself and others suffering so greatly from the same affliction.
any advice or suggestions are certainly welcome!!

#17

I think that is wonderful that you may be going to an electrolysis school. Remember if you get licensed and open a place don’t forget there are men who need you also To many female electrosists close their doors on us men .

#18

Sinclair, I felt the same way when I stubbled across this site. I too couldn’t believe that someone had the heart to open up this taboo topic. It’s been a silient nightmare for many of us. Depression sets in not so much because we have hair but we can’t be free to disucss it. Sure we don’t like hair but it wouldn’t be so devasting if we felt more comfortable talking about our fustrations with others. That’s why this site is great. We can share, discuss and find some relief. Thanks Andrea and thanks to James Walker for his professional and inspirational advice and to all of you who have joined to share in this arena.

#19

For those interested in learning electrolysis, I can recommend a list of books, and depending on your location, schools, and in some lucky areas, practitioners looking for apprentices.

To contact me, just use the private message feature generously made available on this site by our hard working girl Andrea.

#20

Skopie, I am very proud that this site and forum have been so helpful. What started as a one-page report of my own experiences had blossomed into what I feel ius the best web resource on the topic. Much of this is thanks to all the great readers!

Ellen, I am very happy to hear you are considering a career in hair removal. I know many people who work in this field, and there is tremendous satisfaction to be had in helping someone solve an embarassing problem.