On refusing legitimate suggestions

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#1

Some time ago, we had a Hairtell client with a normal, albeit not perfect, post-op skin reaction that 100% is going to resolve perfectly. Then began weeks of posts, followed by endless emails.

The quick update is that after some 40 emails to me, I had to “shut 'er down” because I was not being listened to. The update for those interested … the client is now going to have “fillers” injected into the area (dermatologist) … and, of course, this is definitely going to cause REAL PROBLEMS. The idea of injecting fillers (even those designed for upper skin wrinkles) is a terrible idea and NOT a reasonable approach … especially if the skin has not yet healed.

Dear Clients … TIME is your best medicine. Don’t panic when you see something amiss … and please listen to people here on Hairtell who have seen your problem and are legitimately trying to help you. I guess I got “hit” with too much frustration in the last couple days?

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#2

You weren’t going to have any success either way getting through to this person Mike. I’m no doctor or psychologist, but in my opinion they had very clear ( and likely diagnosed given how quickly they identified what was being said to them) body dysmorphic disorder. The signs were all there. Sometimes the human brain is like that, and while none of us are doctors , none of us are psychiatrists either. That , clearly, is the “assistance” that person needs.

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#3

Yes, I think you are correct on this. I had to shut it down, because it was starting to cause me psychological problems … and, it doesn’t take much “neither!”

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#4

When communicating, I try to keep everything concise and straight to the point (even that it’s sometimes multiple pages long :sweat_smile:)
However, I have learnt that with some audiences (listeners/readers), they will never get the whole point or they don’t truly understand the fact or science behind it. They just choose what they BELIEVE over FACT. They won’t understand it 100%, just like some students have got straight A grades but not everyone. With some audiences, the message isn’t fully understood 100%. They may understand it partially or not at all. Or some even become more confused or misunderstood and relay incorrect info to others.

It’s very hard to break the ice when their mindset is fixed like a cup of full water, no longer want to take in new info. When their BELIEVING is everything they have got.

When communicating, I’ll rephrase or reword myself a few times since English isn’t my first language. But if the listeners/audiences still haven’t got my message I then choose to let go because I too have to take care of my mental health.

It isn’t fun when repeating oneself to an audience who acts like a cup of full water, hearing but not listening or doesn’t even try to understand.

Sometimes I choose to let go so that their problem doesn’t become mine. It’s almost impossible to change mindsets of other people.

#5

Great wisdom in your post …

#6

Out of interest, what is the dermal supposed to treat in this case? I used to work in this field and am interested in what the patient is trying to “fix”?

#7

Well, that’s that point. In this patient’s case, the only thing is impatience and seeing things that aren’t there! When you have a procedure, you must allow TIME for the skin to settle down and heal from the electrolysis injury. And there is nothing for any dermatologist to do to remedy a problem that is not there. None of us can make our planet spin faster or make our skin heal faster. It’s a fool’s game.

In everyone’s career, you will encounter a few over-the-top irrational patients. Thankfully, they are extremely rare. (In my case, probably only two such clients in a very long career.) However, that one client can derail and traumatize an electrologist for a long time. However, somehow these cases tend to just go away as the client focuses on new “perceived problems” … and you’re “off the hook.”

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#8

These are very calming words for all of us to heed. You must be related to the Dalai Lama. :thinking:

#9

Interesting that a practitioner would be willing to treat a problem that isn’t there. I’m no longer in the aesthetics world and am actually currently doing a research study on body dysmorphia, which this sounds like.

#10

Indeed … the dermatologist told the client that eventually (when the healing is complete) there might be a few modalities to employ to correct the “non-issue." I’m pretty sure the dermatologist was placating the patient and was aware there was an underlying psychological issue?

A good consultation … for me anyway … is mostly LISTENING to the client. Clients want to tell their story and if you listen closely, you can discover if their needs are legitimate … or an illusion. I don’t think most schools emphasize the need to “vet” new clients … and listen for key elements … to avoid a potential difficult scenario.

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#11

I’d like to support your effort to find sanity again Michael. I’ve therefore declined their request at re-inclusion at hairtell at this time.
Caitlin it’s pretty much textbook body dysmorphic disorder from what I can see , but again none of us are psychologists or pschiatrists here and so none of us are equipped to properly help this person. A doctor cant really be blamed for saying whatever it takes t placate a client they want out of their office as quickly as possible to avoid liability . Any dermatologist who does ANYTHING no matter how minor to such person is setting themselves up for a legal and professional hell. This is not something for an esthician to help or cure. The best we can do is weed them out when such comes up.

#12

Well, I blocked the person but they created other emails and are still asking the same questions. My suggestions have all been avoided and it’s possible there is an underlying pathology (as you say) and perhaps the desire for a lawsuit.

I think our colleague’s first mistake was not realizing that the person who thought there were “gigantic hairs on the entire face” was delusional … because the hairs in question were not only normal, they were also tiny. If you find a client who is seeing themselves in a VERY unrealistic way … you must not treat them; but “run!”

For example, people with anorexia still see themselves as being fat. If you had a weight loss clinic, you certainly would not take such a client. It sometimes takes electrologists years to be able to say “no” … but sometimes that is the only alternative.

#13

trou 1
trou 11920×2560 133 KB

this kind of reaction sir, but i might only imagine things i guess…

#14

and thanks for paying attention to my mental health but apart from the unwanted hair and now the skin issue because of the electrolysis i can assure you that i am fine.
i find it quite rude to make such presomption about me honestly. but thanks again for youre time and help.
and i have no desire for lawsuit or such things, but when i do a " medical" procedure, i find it normal not to end up with worse issue after…
pitting and hole on skin don’t seem normal to me

#15

i asked this electrolysis which told me it was not a normal outcome and that i have been overtreated too.
i only hope to recover, but i think it is over unfortunately.