new here...not new to the struggle

Start here! Share your feelings
#1

I’m in my mid-twenties, and am have been dealing with shame, depression, and self-consciousness over excessive hair since middle school. It is fine/vellus, but pigmented…and at least 2 aesthetitians I have seen said a lot of the issue had to do with me having pale skin and dark hair (The hair on my head is almost black…and I got my hormones tested and they came out fine, though the endocrinologist thought my skin was sensitive to androgens)

In addition, my skin is extremely sensitive, and though I have used hair removal creams (ex Nair, Veet) in the past, they eventually left me with bad rashes… I have thought about using bleach on places like my stomach, but when I’ve used it on my upper lip, the skin would become very red and sore while I was using it (so now I get the upper lip threaded)

It drives me insane. I already have other body image issues…am recovered from anorexia and bulimia, and keep myself in shape and am surprisingly more okay with my body in other ways…than I ever imagined being.
But the hair on my body brings up all sorts of feelings of intense self-hatred.

I have not worn a bathing suit in public since I was 15. I don’t even remember how I got the nerve to do it then…I do not remember having as much hair at that time though.

I have hair on my hands, fingers, feet, toes, stomach, lower and upper vertebrae… aside from the regular places (arms, legs, etc). I also have some on the sides of my face but I am able to get that off with my Epicare tool.

I used my birthday money mostly for a double wax warmer, wax, etc…but the one time I used it, it worked ok, but it was so sticky and took a really long time because of my general sloppiness, and I almost felt worse about myself afterwards in spite of having removed some hair. I have gotten my legs, bikini area, and arms professionally waxed before, but am frustrated with the cost, and embarrassed to ask them to wax my stomach and back (and also unsure because when they do have prices listed, it’s usually for men, and with me, i would just need certain parts)

This past Friday I got my bikini (maybe french bikini? regular than usual but not as much as the Brazillian) and leg area waxed…the first time for those… I have been single for a long time, and got the bikini mainly because I wanted to try it (and from now on would like to get it done regularly!). But I kept getting mad at myself afterwards…because I was too embarrassed to ask her to do my lower back and stomach… But I guess I thought that, that once I feel comfortable with someone putting hot wax on me down there…I could say “to hell with self-consciousness” and confide in them about something as embarrassing as having back/stomach hair? Maybe not…I do want to call back sometime though…and hopefully next time…
The waxist was very easy to talk to–and she did automatically wax my feet while waxing my legs…so maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad about asking her?

I just hate this so much… The self-hatred and shame goes deeper than the body hair for me, but that just fuels it. I also have anxiety/depression/ocd symptoms, and between those issues and the hair…I spend little time feeling like an acceptable human being. I always just feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I isolate myself in general, and though I have gotten compliments from people on my appearance and had men flirt with me etc… I push people away, am careful to hide the body hair, and feel like a monster underneath.

#2

Hi uptowngirl,

Hope the waxing went well for you. I wouldn’t worry too much about the people who wax you. I’m sure they see a lot of people with hair in all sorts of places… after all, that is why they are employed: people have hair in places they don’t want it.

You might also want to try laser, since it sounds like you have the right skin/hair color for it to work well. It’s kind of expensive though. I have sensitive skin as well, so other methods haven’t worked that well for me. Now I am trying laser and hope that it will work.

Good luck.

#3

Thank you so much for the response.

I actually signed up for some laser hair removal packages today, and think I made a huge mistake. I thought I had read enough on the place, but my gut instinct was sort of telling me to run when I got there. I was just really desperate, and am feeling like a complete idiot.
I am emotionally sort of a mess at the moment. I guess I wanted so badly just to think I could put down some money and then all of this shame/self-disgust etc would go away along with the hair… but now I feel like I definitely was too impulsive, and regret having paid and agreed.
I hate this so much. I can’t think about anything else.

I am at the start of what may be a relationship with a man I feel I can talk about anything with, and partly I wanted the hair gone so gone because of the possibility of physical intimacy in the future. We’re genuine together though,but I can’t picture myself ever talking about this with him.

Now I signed up with this place that may be a scam, and don’t talk about the hair issue even with my therapist because I’m too self-conscious…
I feel like sometimes it’s hard to think clearly because the hair is tied into so much self-hatred and stuff for me. Hence why I signed the stupid sheet today and wrote the check even though there was this little voice telling me “Something seems a little bit off here. Maybe you should leave and think about it more.”
If this was about practically anything else, I would be talking about it with certain people in real life… Instead it’s this huge pathetic secret… pathetic because duh, some women naturally are hairy, hair removal in some form has been around forever, etc. I hate how there is this secrecy to this that there isn’t as much of with certain other flaws

#4

Please don’t feel ashamed about waxing any part of your body! If it will make you feel better, seek out a salon that treats a lot of middle eastern clients. Many Indians, Iranians, etc get waxed on a regular basis on every part of their body every few weeks because they tend to have more hair than others. This may be part of the reason you do as well, due to the Turkish heritage. Another part of the reason could be your issues with anorexia/bulimia since it can cause the body to develop peach fuzz type of fine hair all over.

Threading and waxing are good alternatives for now. But you should look into electrolysis for your facial hair. Read the electrolysis section of the forum here. I had it done on my upper lip, eyebrows, and abdomen successfully and haven’t looked back. For bikini and underarms, laser will be great when you find a solid knowledgeable place (we can help you) with the right machine. It will be your lifesaver as it was for me on those areas that always got ingrowns from waxing (couldn’t shave at all due to that and shadow either).

#5

Thank you–Yeah, the woman who has been threading my eyebrows/upper lip (and has waxed my arms, and will wax my legs today) for a while is Lebanese and I feel pretty comfortable around her. I will definitely look more into electrolysis. For some reason, maybe because a lot of the hype, I was more drawn to laser, but now I see that electrolysis would probably be the better choice for a lot of those areas.

#6

girl I just want to say…I hear you…

I am a guy and believe me if you would say that to me and I liked you (just like the guy you met) I wouldn’t mind at all!

Don’t think other people will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself…Because people don’t…

And DEFINATELY tell it to your therapist…I am psychologist myself (not so long) and believe me what you’re talking about isn’t anything a psychologist would think strange about…In fact it’s a common stressor among people…So please talk about it…You are driving yourself nuts in your own head…

Good luck!

#7

AND, your therapist may know a great electrologist to refer you to!

#8

I think you and I may have a lot in common, I am half turkish… are you turkish? I am undergoing laser hair removal my self. I unfortuatly am being cheated by my tech. Hopefully I will be able to get a partal refund.

#9

Thank you–toeman, it’s really helpful to get a guy’s perspective. I think I will tell my therapist during the next session, or else send her an e-mail mentioning it. The crazy thing is that I had therapy right before the laser consultation, and in therapy I talked about everything BUT that! Choice, that is a great idea-- At least I feel like she will also just generally be helpful in sort of making sure I’m accountable to myself in terms of finding a reputable person/place… and listening to my gut instinct (and doubts) when something seems off.
BKP, Yes, I am also Turkish…well half-Turkish too. :slight_smile:
My dad who is Turkish has a lot of hair, and my mom who isn’t doesn’t have as much, and doesn’t really understand. I also don’t know that many Turkish people all that well in real life because pretty much all of my father’s family is over there. I know in the Middle East, they’ve been waxing/threading forever.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation with the laser hair removal. I also hope you can get a refund.