Just started dating


#1

Hi,

Last week I shaved my back and bum, which are normally really hairy. Since then my confidence has sky rocketed and I’ve started dating a girl. The problem now is that I’m worried about whats going to happen when my hair starts growing back. She’s going to notice, because it’ll have to grow back a good bit before I can wax again. I’ve tried shaving before and its extremely uncomfortable (rash) - and becomes stubbley again after a day.

I’m losing sleep. What will I do?

Please help,

Ryan.


#2

Ryan: I would just tell my girl friend that I am hairy and that I am taking steps to keep certain areas smooth. Maybe she will perfer for you to let it grow. Anyway if you don’t like the hair I would save up to get rid of it by laser or electrolysis. After I got rid of my body hair I found most women found it cool;especially removal of the pubic and underarm hair.


#3

Thanks Barrester

>> I would just tell my girl friend that I am hairy and that I am taking steps to keep certain areas smooth.

hmmm, I was really hoping to avoid that one. My bum hair is just as thick as my leg hair. It look terrible. I have very white skin and very dark, thick body hair.

>>Maybe she will perfer for you to let it grow.

Do you think so? I cant imagine too many girls being turned on by a hairy bum.

>>Anyway if you don’t like the hair I would save up to get rid of it by laser or electrolysis. After I got rid of my body hair I found most women found it cool;especially removal of the pubic and underarm hair.

Can you suggest any alternatives until I’ve saved up a few thousand for laser? What length do I need to let my hair grow to before I can wax again? What about those creams that burn hair away? Are they recommended for thick dark male hair? And does your hair have to be a certain length before it works - actually I’ve never really liked the sound of using chemicals to burn hair away - cancer and all that. Was I shaving correctly, I mean for stuble to be growing back the next day? Much of the irritation was caused by sitting down on the stubble.

Any other suggestions that will save me freaking my new girl friend out?

Thanks again for your help.


#4

guys, looks like you need a bit of a female perspective on things.

before i started dating, i was fairly anti male body hair (chest, back, shoulders etc), but entirely excepting of the usual pubic hair, bum hair and underarm hair.

not that ive dated anyone with un-hairy nether regions, but i have seen a few, and let me tell you, its disgusting. just does not look right at all.

and you get used to the other areas being hairy too - its not that bad. but what would be bad is trying to hug your boyfriend and ending up hugging a back full of stubble.

maybe go for the thinning/lightening approach, but i’d steer clear of waxing/shaving/laser


#5

barrester’s advice is spot-on.

If you feel you need to explain, that’s what I’d tell her. I’m sure she does plenty of hair removal herself. You can even tell her you know what it’s like and sympathize! That might make you sound even more understanding and sensitive! :wink:


#6

Thanks everyone, can anyone answer the following for me…

Can you suggest any alternatives until I’ve saved up a few thousand for laser? What length do I need to let my hair grow to before I can wax again? What about those creams that burn hair away? Are they recommended for thick dark male hair? And does your hair have to be a certain length before it works - actually I’ve never really liked the sound of using chemicals to burn hair away - cancer and all that. Was I shaving correctly, I mean for stuble to be growing back the next day? Much of the irritation was caused by sitting down on the stubble.


#7

Waxing usually requires hair to be about 1/4th of an inch (1 cm).

Depilatories don’t work as well on thicker hair-- you may get skin irritation before the hair dissolves. That can mean redness or even chemical burns if you overdo it, so be careful.

Shaving usually means you’ll get stubble again the next day or so. You muight try Tend Skin to help with the irritation. Many swear by it, but there’s no guaerantee.


#8

Hello, I’ve got a question not directly related to hair-removal methods, but this topic gave me an opening here …

For how many people (both men and women, but for women especially) has hair been an obstacle to intimacy?**

Personally, my body-hair issues dramatically affected my ability to allow my body to become a medium for affection, to perceive myself as a sexual being in ownership of my body… I felt (even in long-term relationships) that if I did not control my body in this way, that my boyfriend would find me repulsive.

(One of them asked me, with some great concern, whether I waxed my stomach, chest, arms - I attempted to answer non-chalantly, of course not (lying, somewhat unsuccesfully)… This guy had previously dated women with cancer, severe emotional problems, and generally was a supportive, emotionally mature person, but this question seemed to disturb him inordinately.)

I’m wondering, how have others managed thier ‘hairiness’, self-esteem, and intimate relationships?

Thanks, I appreciate any and all answers.

(since i found this forum, i must say i’ve been post-happy! i’m thankful that this space exists - you’re doing good work, andrea :smile: )


#9

Rosy,

I have had similar issues regarding my hairfullness situation.
I am very pale skinned and my arm hairs used to be very furry and dark, mostly noticeable before I had my kids. I don’t know when exactly this situation got better but my mother and I both noticed this week that the hairs are not as dark and noticeable as they used to be.
I have much body hair in other places and found that the tummy and nipple hairs were the ones that really bothered me to the point of not being intimate. Some days you just can’t get around to shaving everything and then wouldn’t you know that the boyfriend/hubby would want to be intimate that day. I would always find an excuse or use an evasive maneuver to avoid him seeing my hairy situation.
I had this hangup mostly when I was younger and have since gotten over it or past it. Once they see you pregnant and delivering a baby, body hair is nothing to worry about…haha!

The funny thing was that I was married to a guy that didn’t put much importance on sex at all and I always felt like it was something I was doing wrong, my body hair or my weight or whatever…he just didn’t care. It turns out that the times when he actually wanted sex (once a month maybe) was when I had not shaved…it always happened that way, most of the time I was shaving and trying to stay smooth on the off-chance that he’d be in the mood and then the day I give up, that’s the day he wants it…go figure.

So this situation is what got me past the body hair issue mostly. I still try like hell to stay smooth and I’m actually doing electrolysis now so I won’t have to do anything eventually but I’m just not so hung up on the intimacy thing anymore…it’s not getting in the way.

It also helps to have a very understanding partner like you seem to have (I think) and if they’re making you feel wanted and sexy all the time then the hair thing just gets put to the back burner…but you want to be smooth for yours and his enjoyment. It’s not an obsession like being found out it’s more of a turnon thing now.

Geez, I did ramble on there…sorry!

Kathy :fearful:


#10

hi ryan, wow how did you manage to shave your back? you sure must have flexible arms?! well, I’m glad to hear you felt really good afterwards. well …it depends on how fast your hair growth is…If you can wait about a week or week and a half, the hair should be long enough (1cm), then it can be waxed without any problem. It may be an idea to discuss this with your beauty therapist (waxer?) before hand. He/she would be able to give you some good tips. If you cannot wait until its 1cm, then the best option is to keep shaving regularly. Electrolysis/laser is the ulitimate luxary…if one can afford it.


#11

Dude, I totally feel your pain man. I’ve blown soo many opportunities with the ladies for the exact same reason :frowning: , totally sucks. The hair has become such a problem it has destroyed my social life. Hang in there man, we’re all here for support.