Help!Am I normal and entitled to a normal life?

Start here! Share your feelings
#1

I just need your help

Part one: my life

Hello everybody,

It s been 2 years since I first posted on this board.
Back then, i had the same problem i have now, only with less coarse hair and slower growth rates.
Here is my situation now: I am a male, age 21, with :
1)A unibrow (plucking at a rate of 1 time every 3 days)
2)Hair ON my nose (shaving daily or else it is noticeable)
3)A dense coarse-haired beard, requiring daily shaving.(I look unshaved by day 2, in fact, when i shave in the morning, my face remains dark,beacause of the coarseness…)

Back then,(2 years ago), I was really depressed, felt a lot of guilt, and stopped being active.I was just down not doing anything.waiting for time to go by, which cost me to fail my 2nd years’ college exams.I also lost field in social life, lost self confidence (even now, i still have problems looking at people in the eyes when they are too close, i kind of look elsewhere,because i feel i look better showing my profile…

My life simply changed with all this.I havent been able to make any progress on the depression.However, two things eventually got me going:
1)I was able to push guilt away.May sound silly, but i just realised this "was not my fault!
2)I made a simple deal with myself: spend 30 minutes in front of a mirror every morning, until your in 3rd grade, and you do electrolysis.
I studied hard, passed on to 3 grade college.went out even if it took me 30 minutes every morning to appear good, so as to have a social life.ALL THIS EFFORT, until you do electrolysis.

Why after i get to 3 grade you might ask?
Well because i had noticed that my hair kept evolving (coarser faster growth rates…) and more importantly, i didnt have the courage to FACE my problem.It took me so much energy to simply face that laser-nurse back then 2 years ago in that beauty institute…(info-only appointment,never found the courage to accually start the treatment), moreover, i didnt have money.

Situation now:
Well amasingly, i managed to keep a little social life.People (especially women) find me nice and kind, and also interesting.
That s great you might think… well no, its not: IT S FAKE.Those girls ( and guys) simply dont now my little secret, and the storm of depressif emmotion and energy and thoughts it has caused in my head and soul.
They simply dont know the real me.And it hurts more than it does me good.It requires me tremendous amount of (psychological) energy to keep going on like this and I feel really tired (…and I am).
Losing 30 minutes daily every morning in front of a mirror while having to keep up with my difficult daily student program is not only tiring(i lose thirty minutes of sleep every morning) but also so frustrating…why god?why me?

anyways, so thats my life, more or else.Basically,I m dominated by my hair problem, although nothing appears on the surface (i dont think anyone,even in my family, has a clue!).

So i m in 3 rd grade.since september.
Yet, i havent done any progress.I have re-entered the state of mind i was in 2 years ago.And i am functionning less effectivelly… day by day.
I think there are two reasons for that:
1)I am still completely weak.I dont know if i have the strenght to make an appointment and accually confront the nurse/electrologist.
2)even if i do, will it work?

anyways, if you want to help, please give me your piece of advice on the electrolysis thread (where i have posted about the technical aspects…and my questions).
Also, please tell me, is it normal to think they way i do?? i feel my whole way of thinking and seeing life has been influenced and dominated by this whole thing…is it normal??!
i would really appreciate it.people on this forum are so great and selfless!

#2

You don’t need to post the same thing twice on the forum. It’s the same people reading and your question will be answered if you only post once. Don’t worry.

#3

The self confidence, depression and so on is normal. I have to admit I didn’t find it effecting my social life, just that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone because I was to embarassed.

If performed properly electrolysis will work. Where do you live? Maybe there’s a referral on one of the referral boards or you could ask very nicely on the electrolysis forum if they know of anyone knows and electrologist in your area.

And hey, so what if you don’t feel the confidence to be in a relationship with anyone? Doesn’t mean you can’t have a social life with your mates and yeah, the whole grooming side of things is a bugger, but hey, at least it can be concealed.

What skin type are you? What’s the hair like now? Blonde, dark, coarse, fine, sparse, dense?

There’s always a solution. This may sound harsh, but it depends whether you want to get on with your life or sit down and let it go past whilst you blame it on your hair problem. That’s how I eventually learned to see it as and trust me, I was a hairy guy (begining to get past that).

Regards,
Benji

#4

Yes, you sound normal, but there’s no such thing as a normal life. How you look sounds normal too. I hope what I’m about to ask isn’t too harsh, but are you sure there isn’t something else going on deep down aside from the hair? I only say that because from your description of how you look, you seem pretty average.

Do you think you are the only male with a unibrow?
Do you think you are the only male who plucks his unibrow? Every 3 days is not that bad. I’m a female and I have to pluck mine every day.
Hair on the nose isn’t that common (of course how would anyone know, I would assume that anyone with hair there would hide it as well), but it’s not unheard of.
Your beard sounds normal too. Ever been to Europe?:slight_smile: Some men’s beards are so thick they have a hard time shaving.

I’m not saying all this to invalidate your feelings because how you feel is how you feel. I’m simply just trying to make you feel better because as a woman or just a person in general, if I saw you on the street, I wouldn’t think you were any different than the next person. Which is what you want, right? To be normal?

Oh, and yes electrolysis would work. I would use that for your eyebrows and nose. If your beard is as dark, coarse and dense as you say it is, than you should try laser to reduce the amount of hair there.

#5

Hi all,

Thanks for going through the trouble of reading this.Also, thanks for replying…

healthyliving.You are totally right to be asking me those questions.
“is it normal or is it just me??”
I ve spent a lot of time trying to objectively respond to this question.And up to now, i m pretty sure it s not just me.

See, the thing is I have to shave daily to even pretend to look normal.and i am using the word pretend because i ve been asked a lot of times “didnt you shave today?” even though i had shaved lets say 2-3 hours earlier.
-sometimes when i now i m not going anywhere,just staying home, i give it a rest and dont shave.until friends visited me by surprise and i could see how amazed they were seeing a totally different face.
Moreover, i went through a period of “damn it, i quit.I will only shave once every two days”.You wouldn t believe how i found out that appearance DOES MATTER A LOT.
I simply receive a totally different behavior from people just by shaving and not shaving… that s how superficial most of us are…
Moreover, my nose has become rough because of shaving.
And along with the plucking i do once every 2-3 days, its 30 minutes in the shower everymorning.

Having excessive hair growth is not a disease.your not sick.But humans are “social animals”.And so, normality is simply how far you are from average.
Believe me when i say: i have never met a person (or pass by a stranger in the street) that has a thicker/coarser/darker beard than my self, and i m only 21…

Finally, i know its not psychological because everybody likes me.And i can tell i m basically just like everybody else.Exept i have to invest 30 minutes daily in front of a mirror…

#6

Wow I have finally found a place where people understand me! Anakin you are not alone brother. My favourite movie as of recently first seeing it is “The 40 Year Old Virgin” just because finally a major motion picture that will be seen by millions has a ‘Wooky’ as the leading male/romantic interest! This has all but vanished from North American culture since the early 80’s (Tom Sellick and Hasselhoff, also Redford).

Sorry to get off track there but I need to also share my ‘feelings’. I am 31 now and have chronologically moved out of the major ‘hair affected’ years of my life but I totally relate about people having false ideas about me when I know damn well(from experience now) they would treat me COMPLETELY different if they only knew how hairy I was. I’ve been in countless social situations where I could actually see total change in facial expression the moment people see my hair. Like everything’s cool yea yea I’m being social with someone new hooray and when they finally actually notice the amount of hair they change. It hurts like a ^&^% everytime but I did grow out of that luckily(still happens now but I am older and know how to ‘advertise’ if you will now). I find in the long run it is better to find a decent level of acceptable body hair(acceptable to you that is) and deal with the rest like any high maintenance person would, and accent or learn how to ‘promote’ your good hair. I hope this makes sense I’m just typing now. I’m hairy and broke enough to know now that unless I REALLY do something drastic I will die looking like this so…I plan to work out a lot and do natural male ‘improvement’ if you will(hand exercises). If I can do this then I can get women to look at me like they did when I was 16 and hair free and, if I can do that I should be able to gain back the self confidence the lack of which has all but ruined my life(I’ve been a broke hermit my entire adult life I’m getting counselling though now don’t worry).

Cheers

#7

a little story.

i dated a guy a couple years ago and he was SSUUPPPPERRRR hairy. and sssooo cute. GREAT personality. the hair didnt bother me at all. infact, because i was so into him, i was really into his hair, too!!

hes the only hairy guy ive ever dated (all the guys ive been with have had waayy less body hair than me, hehe!!) but he’s also the one guy i still hold closest to my heart and still truly care about.

with a wonderful personality, it doesnt matter how hairy you are. (i wish i could say that to myself!!!) but honestly, from personal experience, the hair is just on the surface, just like everything else. you shouldnt let it hold you back.

a woman thats worth your time won’t think twice about it.

<3

#8

Man I gotta get back out there. Peace

#9

May I just say that we all are sensitive about something, but we can’t let it keep us from socializing and finding those people who make it worth getting up in the morning.

There are women who won’t consider dating me because I am not as tall as my dad, there are women who won’t date me because I am not a blonde, and so on and so on. I can only change my weight.

The funny thing is, one of the women who would not date me because I was not over 6 feet tall is now engaged to marry me, so I guess women get over that silly little list they have in their heads, just like men relax their insistence for the ultimate playboy bunny as the years go by.

So what I am saying is, socialize, be real, and look for those who have inner beauty, and who appreciate the inner beauty in you.

#10

Just a little story as well,

I dated a very hairy guy a few years ago. He’s Arabic and I learned that they have quite a bit of hair, so it was normal to him and didn’t bother him one bit. He had a “rug” on both his back and chest/abdomen. Along with what you described on yourself: dark beard, hair on his nose and probably a unibrow (but I didn’t notice that b/c he probably shaved it). He shaved the nose hairs as well.

You didn’t mention if you have a hairy chest and back too. I think the beard and monobrow are completely normal for a guy! That doesn’t bother me at all! Why are you plucking the monobrow instead of shaving it? Shaving would be so much quicker and I can assume less painful.

IF you have alot of dark coarse chest hair and it bothers you, I would say shave it or simply clip it to trim it down or if you have the money, get it waxed. (but don’t wax it if you ever want to get electrolysis). I personally like guys with some chest hair.

Now back hair, I have to say that is the only thing that bothered me about him. It was just so excessive. He didn’t want to get it waxed, so he eventually allowed me to shave it with the electric razor for him. It worked out fine.

I’m just sorry that it sounds like your hair issue has really altered your life and changed your social life and not made you want to date. You don’t have to answer, but are you finding woman that don’t want to date you b/c you have the dark hair? Because in that case, they are probably pretty shallow. There ARE women out there that won’t care believe me! Keep the maintainence going and get out there and give it a try! I just hate to hear this is ruining your life (or at least your social life). :frowning:

#11
#12

hi all again,

Thanx everyboy for reading what i had to say.

No, my chest has little hair.my back has lets say two or three long ones, and a little vellus if you look closely, but should my back and chest stay like this, it would be fine…

Now, I am more than sorry that IT DOES MATTER.at least, from personnal experience thats what i noticed.
Moreover, i don t know how to say this but, the problem isnt dating women.In fact, I have decent succes, most find me attractive.BUT THATS ONLY WHEN I HAVE SHAVED.
And it takes away 30 minutes of my life daily, plus the irritation, rough nose…and a shadow that persists.

And a simple example that perfectly illustrates my problem: i ve been asked to join friends to a 3 day music festival.we will be doing camping at the concert site.
How on earth can i go there since i ll look terrible counting from day two…?!

I totally respect those of you that questionned some things i said.In fact, i ve asked myself the same questions before.
My personal opinion (based on my personal experience: test+=shave, test-= dont shave, result: see what happens.what reactions you get…) is that It matters, at least when you have my age (21).
But hearing different opinions is to me one of the most important things when you face a situation.So REALLY, SINCERELY, thanx for helping me out everybody.Thanx for sharing some of your precious time exchanging with me (and pardon my poor english…).
Thank you.

#13

I am a girl with a not too terrible facial hair problem but certainly even in dull daylight the darker and coarse blonde hairs on my face and especially on my upper lip are really visible. I am very self conscious about it, most of the time, but at the same time, my social life and friends are too important to me to let it get in the way.

I go to music festivals every year without fail and camp every time and I’d be lying if I said it’s not an issue because it is… to begin with.
I recently noticed a younger friend of mine with an almost identical hair pattern/type to mine and I only noticed it on an up close photograph of her taken last year at the last festival we attended together. I might add that I also only noticed it because I’d been scrutinising photos of my friends compared to my own to see if my problem is really as bad as I have convinced myself it is!
It’s odd because although I spent the whole time with her last year (5 days camping in blazing sunshine each day) and cannot even remember noticing it once which sort of reassured me into thinking that perhaps mine was just as unnoticeable.
Or that even if it was visible that most people didn’t care or were too preoccupied with other things to even notice/remember/have an issue with.

The way I got through it was to promote all of my positive features in my appearance, avoided the mirrors for the weekend and told myself not to think about it and also tried to not LOOK OUT for other people who I thought might be looking at me because I’m sure sometimes I convince myself that they’re looking at my hair when in actual fact they’re probably looking at food in my teeth or something. I also think if you can somehow muster an air of confidence then people allow their opions of the personality to override any supposed physical imperfections on the person.

If it really does bother you a lot is there any way you could wax the areas that cause you grief a day or so before so that for the 3 days you’re away you don’t have to worry?

Even though I’ve finally got up the courage to get electrolysis done, after a lot of research and reassuring testimonials on here, for a few reasons can’t get it started for another few months so it does mean another self conscious summer including TWO festivals.
Sitting here at home thinking about it makes me cringe but I know as soon as I am out and amongst friends I’ll be thinking that I don’t care, it could be worse and I should be grateful to be able bodied and otherwise healthy enough to not have any other physical problems that stop me from doing the things I enjoy in life.

It’s not that I forget that I have this to deal with but I really make the most of the times where there are enough distractions around me to be able to put it to the back of my mind for a while. And hopefully, this summer might be my last self conscious summer regarding my unwanted and unwelcome hair!

I’m looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel now and it’s a real booster to know that
a) I’m far from alone in this and
b) there are affordable solutions

Also - at festivals, everyone looks terrible by day two for one reason or another so don’t be too disheartened!

#14

a bit of electrolysis would permanently clear up both your eyebrows and your nose, and your other stragglers. I’ve seen hair on the nose ridge of a quite non-hairy man. I also understand the beard thing, I dislike my shadow, but it’s typical. There are beard depilatories you could try out to see if you can get a longer lasting shave. I think they smell bad but it’s worth a try.