This is my first time writing on this forum, and infact the first time, I’ve written anything down in regards to my battle with body hair. Sorry if it’s a rant, but i feel like im finally letting go of a pain that ive held on to for so long.
I am a 22 year old female,of Persian descent,who’s life has been defined by the presence of excess hair. Singing to the choir…I know (now).
Around the age of 8 was when I first realized I was different.One day my older cousin was playing with the wispy hairs of my lower back, when I reached behind her to play with hers. All my fingers felt was a beautifully smooth and hairless back. I asked my mom how this could be, and she explained that everyone is different, and that I was perfectly healthy and normal. Ofcourse I didn’t believe this. I was now noticing that my little legs and arms looked more like my brothers than any of my girlfriends.
Moving to Vancouver, Canada only hightened my sense of being different. All my new friends were either Asian or Caucasion with literally no hair on their bodies. I soon realized no one could know about my “disgusting” problem as I confided to my diary.
I avoided so many experiences, the school camping trip, my friends going to mexico for a grade 7 graduation trip, swimming,sports,going to the salon to get pedicures, all the things you look back on later in life as fond memories.
over the years i started to experiment with all the different methods of removal. i waxed, the hair started to grow in a few days and i was left with ingrown hairs and a bumpy feel. i shaved and about an hour later, no matter how close i shaved, you could feel the hair running your hands along. i bleached and used creams. nothing worked, for more than a day.i felt helpless and hopeless. looking back now, knowing i contemplated suicide when i first started seeing hair on my face, makes me want to cry.
I lived in hiding through highschool, and therefore have few memories of this time.
Fast forward to 2008, the ripe age of 19 and I now had my first boyfriend. I had avoided any sort of intimate contact that might expose my hairy situation. Puberty had taken a toll on my problem and had escalated the severe disgust I felt about myself.
Fast forward another 3 years to today and I can count on one hand, the number of times my poor boyfriend saw me completely naked. This took a significant toll on our relationship. He knew and was very accepting about my back hair, but the hair on my legs, he didnt know about.
I shaved my legs,my back and my bikin area the day before our first valentines day, so i could wear something sexy i guess. The next day when i woke up excited to get ready, i was horrified to see the condition my legs were in. stubbly and red and bumby, bikini area looked like i had road rash, my back stubbly and red. I just melted into the bathroom floor and sobbed… and sobbed. I felt trapped in a body that i hated.
My first real attempt to feel feminine, on what was supposed to be a special day, had been foiled by this nightmare. Ofcourse, my boyfriend was confused by my stand off-ish-ness, and my excuses sounded made up and forced… because they were. Although i had practiced countless times, ways i could tell him the truth, when the moment came, i was just too ashamed…
also, i never let him really touch my face, or anyone for that matter. my chin is stubbly every since i went to my first laser treatment, and the lady insisted that the super fine hairs on my chin could be taken off. she shaved my chin and neck, and ive been plucking thick stubble from the area ever since.Anyway, i couldnt bear him knowing this too. I even avoided doctors when i was in need of one. i got into a car accident and didnt even let the doc do a proper check because he asked me to remove my pants to check for any injuries. i had lower back pain, but told the doc i didnt just so he wouldnt look at my hairy back.i havnt done a pap test in a few years, havnt gone to the dentist and on and on…i realize this is not healthy.
my boyfriend put up with these excuses for the last almost 4 years , even though i hinted why it might be that my pants never came off(not even when being intimate) to this day, i cant talk about it forthright. We recently broke up I cant do this dance with anyone else. I need this incredible weight off my shoulders.
which brings me to today. This site has been like learning about hundreds of sisters i never knew i had. all these years, i thought i was one of few who was suffering, and now i know i am not alone. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART to the people who started and contribute to this site. i owe my new found zeal to finally do this seriously to you girls(and guys hehe).
Youll be hearing from me again. never again this long. thanks for reading, and again thank you.
