Hair & Relationships

Hi everyone,

I’ve read so many posts on here about people’s insecurities about developing close relationships out of fear that their hair will be offputting or something, so I thought I’d lend some words of encouragement.

I have thick dark hair from head to toe, especially on my stomach, back, arms, and face. I don’t mind any of it really except on the face (which I’m getting laser and electrolysis for), but it IS excessive and far more than the average female will ever experience. I had a fairly serious boyfriend until quite recently (forced apart by distance) who was honestly out of my league in more ways than one, and he honestly couldn’t have cared less. Judging on looks he could really have the girl of his pick, and I’m no Miss America, so remember there are plenty of people who just will not care, the same way that I wouldn’t care if I was dating a werewolf as long as he was a decent guy.

And guys who are insecure about their hair, if it helps to hear it, if I had a hairy guy, I wouldn’t wish away the hair even if I could, it is no less attractive to me than no hair at all. After all, it’s JUST HAIR. I do empathise with the emotional struggles, the hair on my face drives me crazy, but if you lighten up and joke about it, you’ll end up feeling a lot better, I promise.

This forum is excellent by the way.


I completely appreciate what you are saying but it is so hard to heed this advice. I had a serious boyfriend for six years and the relationship ended for completely different (and far more destructive) reasons than insecurity related to hair etc. I was never able to speak candidly to him about my situation (I have coarse black hairs on my areolas and tummy; I think it might be PCOS but I have never been diagnosed) but I know he noticed and even once tried to bring up to me that he noticed and wasn’t bothered by my situation. I am now in a relatively new relationship and I am terrified because I am moving in with my new boyfriend and I feel that up until now I have managed to hide my situation from him. When I pluck, the hair stays gone for approximately ten days, but I then need a grace period of about two weeks for the hair to come through the skin and grow long enough to pluck without having to dig it out and cause scars (I already have this issue and cover the area around my areolas with makeup.) This problem has, for so long now (I am 33 and have had this issue since around age 18) colored my sense of self and my sexual identity. It is so painful. I find myself trying to plan around my plucking/regrowth schedule and it is exhausting! I need help!

Hi, I’m new to this forum and just want to say that it is great to find a place where i can see so many others with a similar situation hair-wise. Still, what i haven’t yet seen is reports from other women - like me - who cope with their facial hair by letting it be. I have faced the world with a beard now for 16 years. i can’t say i love the way i look, but i do accept it. I have been with my partner for 12 years and the ‘beard’ issue gets between us at times, but he loves me. The hardest thing for him is the way other people look at me and laugh.
I would love to be beardless, and i am currently checking out the information on the heat razor called No! No! (If any one has any opinion on it i’d love to hear). I guess I could do with a change, and I’m curious too about what life would be like without being viewed as a freak.
But I’m loath to succumb to the hateful expectations of society - look how many of us beautiful women have facial hair. We ain’t abnormal at all - there’s loads of us. why should we go through this pain, confusion and angst just to satisfy social mores? Can anyone answer me that???

You can snub social mores. Many people do. You cannot change what people naturally feel (it starts with little kids). I guess we are all hard-wired that way?

Your post is very nice. I don’t know how old you are but the younger we are the more obsessed we are about physical image. I have had experiences where girls of my age (20s)were not fond my my chest/ab hair. Beach in the summer is the most awkward time of the year. haha The older crowd matures and looks beyond the surface of a person. But as long as we’ll have Hollywood bombard us with the ideal image at the young age, women and men will continue to worry about their physical appearances. Sad but true.