Wow, I am not much of a blogger, per say, but I have spent a good portion of the last three days lurking around hairtell, and I have read my same sad story so many times…so I feel like I have strength now to write this for so many reasons. If I “get it out” it will be easier to deal with, someone else who’s struggling with the same things may draw some comfort, and anyone who is reading this who is clueless might just see the heart of a woman who is suffering from this painful predicament.
I was at my friend’s last week and she was sitting a little boy from church, I think he’s about 6 now, and when he saw me, he said >loudly< “Hey, uh, you’re growing a mustache!” I instantly realled being at another woman’s house when her 8 year old son cocked his head sideways and said, “COOL! You’re growing a mustache!” Wow…I wanted to tell these kids, “Yeah, I know, that’s actually one thing that I have been aware of 24 hours a day, 7 days a week since I was about 8 or 9 years old”.
But I don’t say anything. Instead I let the mommies or the babysitters scold the child, saying, “That’s not nice!” or “Don’t say that!”, which I really think just makes it worse, making a huge deal out of it to the kid, which causes it to stick in their mind even more and drawing even more attention to it.
So, everytime I am in PUBLIC, I am on the offensive. I am thinking, is she looking at it? Is he looking away because he noticed it? Are they unnaturally facinated with the dark, discolored razor stubble streaking across my upper lip? Do people touch themselves there when they talk to me because they are trying to signal me to wipe off the dark smudge? Or is it simply a subconscious reaction? Or are they doing it to signal to me that they DO see it? ~suprise! the man in the moon can see it! HA! I don’t believe you mom, husband, sister, friend, co-worker, etc. when you tell me that it’s hardly noticeable!~ And every month or two there is the random person who MENTIONS IT “OUT LOUD” IN A PUBLIC SETTING!!!
In the event that this person doing the pointing out of the oh-so-obvious is a child, I can understand they truly have NO IDEA how totally devestated this makes me, but when it’s another adult, I instantly have very unkind thoughts about them, but always ultimately those thoughts are about myself.
I feel like a FREAK, a MONSTER, a MISFIT, a CIRCUS ACT, a SIDESHOW, an ANIMAL… And I know this is untrue. I am a very strong christian warrior, and I know what God says about me: I am fearfully and wonderfully made, He sees a princess before Him, destined to sit on a throne in His kingdom, a beautiful, skillfully made work of beauty pieced together and HANDMADE my the Master Himself (which, btw, isn’t just about me but every single human on this earth, wheather you believe it or not), and I strive to live in that truth…however reality snatches me from those heavenly realms every single morning when shave my face. Or if I catch a look at myself around 2:00 pm and see the hair is already aggressively growing back, or in the evening when I think about HAIR HAIR HAIR all night, reading blog after blog after blog and obsessing about what I should do.
So, today, I did something. I called a qualified electrologist. I scheduled a consultaion. I cringed at the thought of $4.00 a gallon gas to drive the 205 mile round-trip to the ONLY electrologist in my area. I wonder which will cost me more? The gas or the treatments??? —insane cackling laugh—
So, thanks so much for letting me get all of that out. Wow! I DO feel better! I think there might be something to this blogging stuff…
