Here’s what floats through my head all day
Why is it that I’m the only one in my family who’s this hairy? I mean what happened to the gene pool here?
Why is it that I have friends who’s dads are so hairy they make my dad look like an Abercrombie and Fitch model - yet I’m twice the hairiness that they are?
Why is that although I’m fortunate enough to be better looking than basically all my hairless friends they all get dates while I’m always single?
How come I’ve got buddies who have twice the hair that I do on the forearms and twice the leg hair that I have yet their chests, backs, and shoulders are completely smooth?
Why do people tell me that it’s not a big deal? I’m writing this at 5 in the morning because I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about hair!
Why is it that on the internet you can find message boards about guys who absolutely love body hair on a woman but the only people in this world that like hairy guys are gay?
Why did all my friends hit puberty before me and used to comment on how I had very little hair on my legs and face YET JUST 2-3 YEARS LATER I’M HAIRIER THAN ALL OF THEM COMBINED?
Why did God give me a handsome face and a toned body and make me feel great about myself up until the age of 17 or so and then completely torture me by slowly turning me into a grizzly bear right before my eyes as my wits, self-esteem and confidence completely vanish? Does he enjoy watching me squirm? Is this supposed to make me mentally tough because it’s not sometimes I want to get a tent and go live out in the woods behind my house like a hermit and never talk to people and just live off the land like an Indian or something. I’d have to keep a shirt on so that hunters wouldn’t shoot at me mistaking me for some furry bear.
Why can’t I enjoy the beach? WE ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY THE BEACH!
Why do I shave every morning yet halfway through the day someone touches my face and says “hey buddy, ya oughta shave.” ?
Why do people say “hey guys are supposed to be hairy.” Am I supposed to feel better?
Why do people say “hey it could be worse”? Really? So if you went to Iraq and got your legs blown off I’m supposed to say “hey ya got your arms don’t ya?” Right.
Why is it that I could date pretty much any girl in school until I showed up at a pool party?
Why is it that it’s totally okay to make fun of an insecure hairy guy but making fun of an insecure girl with weight problems is a social sin?
Why do I get so tired of my parents say “why don’t you ever date your a very good looking boy.”
Why do I feel so alone?
Why does my mom say “the other guys will catch up some day.”? No mom. No. Try again. Is that what you tell the fat kid? “Yeah, we’re all fat someday.” Nope.
How come my friends don’t understand why I never go swimming?
Well I’m going back to bed I apologize for all this.