excess body hair, self-image and dating

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#21

I definitely understand PRC86. What you described in your first post is exactly how I felt before I started electrolysis.

I have a very hairy body but I was always more concerned with my face (im a guy buy the way). So right now i’m currently removing all the hair from my cheeks and neck using electrolysis and i’ll tell you already after 1 treatment it has boosted my self confidence like crazy! I’m now flirting with girls I before thought were way to good looking for me.

So, just to relate my problem to yours (since it seems your most concerned about body hair) let me tell you about my plan after I get all the hair on my face removed. What I’m probably going to do is have just 1 full clearance for the parts of my body that I find just too hairy. Stomach, arms(maybe), hands, knuckles.

Why just 1 full clearance you ask? Because with my face, after 1 full clearance, the hair grew back so much lighter. And the thing is, it grew back completely natural looking. No patches, no marks, no anything. No ones noticed at all that I had any work done. So once I do this to my body, I think I’ll finally be happy with the amount of hair without having to remove it all and look like I waxed or shaved or something. And if i’m not happy, i’ll probably just go for another treatment to lighten it even more.

I really think you should consider this path. I feel like we’re really similar so let me know if you have any questions. :slight_smile:

#22

Wow PRC! Reading your first 3 sentences is like looking into a mirror…um, that I had written the same thing on. At one point I worked out religiously and got a great body, but, due to the hair I was still never able to go to the beach shirtless, or swim or any of that stuff. I also slacked off. I’ve missed out on a lot. I even turned down 3 modeling offers because of my hair.
As for being accepted, I really do think that many women/men wouldn’t mind a guy with moderate hair. Liek the “normal” amound on the chest and such. But when she looks to see if a full moon is out when you disrobe, not so much. I think most of the guys are talking about that kinda hairiness.
I have that corse black type that you can never get a smooth look with. i have guy friends who can be a wolf one day, but when they shave, you’d never know they had any hair at all. Not me or probably PRC.
Well, that’s my rant. As for my plan of action bub, I volunteered to go to war in Iraq to make enough savings to hit it hard when I get back…yes, its that serious for me. Just letting you know, we feel your pain. J

#23

@Caro Yeah, women have it a lot harder than men, surely, but it still sucks to be an overly hairy guy. Sadly, my italian magic ends up with my full-fledged italian name. I look positively jewish according to most people. Plus, I haven’t played the beautiful game for real in a while. :slight_smile:

@MagicalPrincessKitty Hah! I’ve been thinking of applying to a few U.S college programs for my post-grad. Maybe that’s all the incentive I need! I’ll try to talk to my therapist about the hair problem. I think the main thing holding me back is her gender. It’s a lot easier talking to guys about it.

@depilacionelectr I actually started therapy for other, non-hair-related reasons. Hair is just another one of those problems that I have not brought up yet. Also: I can’t find an electrologist near my town for the life of me. Maybe I could find some in São Paulo, but that’s not within reasonable travelling distance.

@aussierobert Wow, thanks for the shared wisdom, mate. I really appreciate it. I’ve been trying to get over it to some extent, but as you can probably tell it’s harder than it seems to be. But I guess I’ll work it out eventually.

@firetoflames Funny thing is, we’re people with similar problems and totally opposite priorities. I’m cool with facial hair, albeit I’d do that if I had the time. My main targets right now are my back and my abdomen (aiming for total removal and slight reduction of coverage and density, respectively). Unfortunately, electrology is not big around here, and electrologists are HARD to find. I haven’t found a single one yet. I’ll remember the advice though!

@templje Heck, Iraq! I hope that ends up working well for you. Yeah, close shaves are impossible to me. It’s not that bad though, my cheeks are relatively hair-free, the main areas of coverage are my chin and upper-lips and my sideburns. I’m mostly focusing on back and abdomen for now. I’ll eventually figure out my beard and possibly my fuzzy bottom. Oh, I’m not even close to the hairiest I’ve seen on the net, but I’m pretty hairy, way past the socially acceptable point. It’s good to have other people you can relate to, even if the conditions are very unfavorable.

Thanks for sharing, guys (and gals)!

#24

Just a quick update…I went to my therapist again last wednesday, finally “manned up” and talked about my hair problems. I don’t know what to make of it yet, even talking about it is difficult, and it’s been getting progressively harder each time.

How do you guys deal with it? I’m beginning to think even when this nightmare is over I still won’t feel good about it. It feels something will always be ringing in the back of my head telling me “you know deep down you’re way hairier than that, you abnormal freak” or something.

I think I’m going a little mental here!

#25

I’m not sure I interpreted your words carefully. But if I understand correctly, what you feel is fairly common.

It takes some time to assimilate the nightmare is over.
Some of my clients have needed professional help to accept that the problem has been solved. Many of them have told me that they wake up remembering a nightmare in which all their hair reappeared. This confirms that our dreams are not premonitions. It is scientifically impossible for a partially destroyed hair follicle produces a hair again.

Now that your therapist has all the information, it will be easier to help.
Do not worry too much, time will solve the rest.

#26

Hello re: “as you can probably tell it’s harder than it seems to be”

Believe me I KNOW!!! It took me about 13 years (my entire 20s) to get over going bald on top and hairy elsewhere.

As a teen I had long ringletty hair that girls worshipped but started going bald at age 19 after taking Roaccutane (known to sometimes bring on baldness). Further tragedy is I went on that drug because I had acne from shaving (curly ingrown hairs)… for which I am now having electro to remove.

Over the years I cropped the head hair shorter and shorter and finally I shaved it right off, makes me look heaps younger, and with that I went out in to the world with much more confidence in who I am.

If only I knew earlier that girls love the confidence most of all.

And further that many love to stroke, kiss and even lick a shaved bald head! lol. (I’ve been a nightclub DJ, so I guess alcohol plays a part in the more affectionate displays!) It’s bizarre as I’m nearly 38 and in recent years I have had many many young women nearly half my age doting over me.

Some of it is being in a perceived “alpha male” position, being a DJ and nightclub event organiser, but I was doing that through my 20s, most of all (in recent years) it’s the confidence I project and of being a fun person (which I am when I feel good about myself).

I missed that kind of party fun in my 20s because I believed I was “past it”, past being attractive. So I was mopey. A vicious circle.

My beliefs about myself, about what I was deserving of, determined my experiences.

Likewise, when I started getting laser on front and back (with mixed results) 2 years ago, now electro, and have been shaving or clipping the hair down in the meantime it gave me more self confidence. And with that I’ve enjoyed life so much more.

Some people have noticed I shave those areas and because I don’t act weird about it they don’t either. If you project you’re OK with what you do, other people are more likely to feel that way too.

Meanwhile there are many good-looking young guys, with full heads of hair, with barely a hair on their bodies, moping about, slouching, projecting insecurity, and probably wondering “Why do the girls fuss over Robert? He’s bald and nearly 40!”

It’s because I’m projecting “I’m on the fun train and I don’t really care if you’re on it or not” while they’re projecting a needy vibe of “I’m worrying about my insecurities and whether I am worthy of enjoying life or not” (like I was then).

Like you said earlier, many younger women find body hair strange and I figure it’s because they’re not used to it yet. They’re kind of very uptight about a lot of adult body things partly from recent media conditioning, partly from what they’re used to seeing I s’pose.

On the other hand, older women are more used to male body hair and many love it. And all I shall say is that older women tend to be a lot more experienced, women are generally in the peak of their sex drives from their late 20s and 30s on …

Sooooo, I wish was 24 again knowing what I know now! :wink:

#27

Stomach hair is so easy to treat with laser that you’ll wonder why you haven’t done it sooner. Girls feel the same way about bikini and underarms. You’ll be happy even after 2-3 good treatments already. And no, you won’t get all the hair back. Most men develop new hair into their late 20s and that’s it. Plus, whatever “new” hair may surface will be pretty minimal compared to what you start with. You just need to change your perspective. I thought I was doomed to never enjoy the beach in a bikini without weeks of notice and tons of preparation, and even then, only for a few days while the hair was away after waxing. But now, after laser, I hardly ever think about! It’s a huge relief. It’s the main reason I stick around on this forum helping others get the same results. I haven’t had any treatments in several years now. I started 5 years ago and have been done for a while now, enjoying my life.

I don’t know if you have dense coarse hair on your back. If you do, then laser will work well there as well. Otherwise, electrolysis is the way to go on that area.

Also, consider waxing the areas that bother you most. That will already help you a ton while you’re figuring things out.

And I agree with the above post - the most important thing girls look for is confidence.

#28

:slight_smile: Oh and a tip about waxing, if you’ve got curly hair (like me), get a pro to do it (I rec’d just a small test patch first on part of your chest) or clip/shave it instead… I did my chest once and had nasty ingrowns and big red cysts for best part of a year.

#29

Waxing is great - just find an experienced person to do it. You should also clip the hair to about 1/4 inch or a bit longer for best results.

#30

I try to look at my problems from a different perspective, but I also noticed I keep obsessing more and more over hair.

My legs are pretty hairy, but not abnormally so. Thing is, the hair never thins out much after the thighs, and go up all the way to my waist, so my…posterior…is also pretty hairy. I know it’s common to have some hair there, but mine just seems excessive. And I keep obsessing over it in intensities I didn’t know were possible.

I’m sure there has to be some women in the world who aren’t bothered by it, but they won’t be thrilled either. And I think I can safely assume most will be downright grossed out. That just kills my self-esteem.

I thought talking about it would make it better (with my therapist, that is), but it seems it got worse. I wasn’t really preoccupied with my @ss before I talked about my hair problems with her, but now I spend my days thinking about it. Gah.

I’m so sick of all this. It seems I can’t leave the house or even look at other people without thinking about it. I keep comparing myself to my friends (who are in their majority hairy, but not to an excessive degree) and even other guys I don’t know. I’m sure they have insecurities of their own, but I’d rather have any other problem that wasn’t hair-related. There are problems which are respected, or are touchy subjects so people don’t mention them. Hirsute men are just laughing stock, though.

Sorry, I really needed to vent, my week’s been miserable.

#31

To reiterate: Tons of women do more than “tolerate” hairy men. Many many many of us find it sexy. Downright 100% sexy. I don’t care if it’s on your butt, your legs, your thighs, your tummy, or wherever; it is still a turn on for many women (the exception being ear and nose hair, probably).

I can still remember my friend excitedly telling me about how adorable her new bf’s butt was because it was so fuzzy and cute and manly. Nobody in our group thought it was weird (though, a little bit of an awkward conversation, haha). We all totally thought he was such a catch, and to this day I’m not sure she’s ever been as hot for a guy as she was for him. For the record, she is a vain, shallow, bitchy supermodel-type (sorry Becca, but you know it’s true!)

So yeah. Either get rid of the hair, or find a girl who likes it. I understand needing to vent (or obsessing over body-image), but don’t let it ruin your life. As an aside, some treatments for OCD can help with people who have body dysmorphic disorder (they are consumed with thoughts about the imagined flaws in their body).

#32

Hi:

As I may have mentioned before, I do know women who find body hair very attractive on men.

I tend to agree with the other posters that this is more of a self image problem than something that can be cured with either laser or electrolysis. I’m not sure you would ever get to a point where you would be happy and will have spent 10’s of thousands in the process.

A relationship is more about chemistry than anything else and the best ones are between people who are not so shallow as to not look beyond whether someone is too overweight or too hairy.
Beauty fades, but stupid is forever. Shallow insensitive types may get what they want, short term, but eventually the all about me attitude means they end up alone in the end.

Alicia

#33

I think you have to start realizing that a lot of this has less to do with the hair itself and more with you picking out and focusing on your assumed flaws. Everyone has flaws…supermodels, presidents, richest people in the world, celebrities, etc. The difference is only in how you choose to deal with them. Body dysmorphic disorder may come into play and something you may need to work on.

#34

have to agree with the OP, i did my back and shoulders and grew back even worse… laser=waste of money! dont waste your money people… it all grows back and ever worse (fact is you dont see any before and after pictures with a great time distance between them)
im sorry, its all a scam. as for now, there is zero treatments.

#35

Updating the situation…

I’ve been looking into things with my therapist and I’ve made some progress. There are days I feel a lot better about myself, which were becoming quite rare. I even began practicing rugby regularly again. I forgot how good it felt to all sore after a match!

@MagicalPrincessKitty
Yeah, I know there are women who think body hair is sexy. Most of them think back hair is a no-no, though. Especially around here. There are many black descendants and native-south american descendants in Brazil, so not a lot of people is quite as hirsute as me.

Haven’t looked into BDD yet, we’re focusing on other stuff right now (like my mood flutuations, some of which are quite clearly displayed in this very forum!).

@Aliciadarling
I’ll probably be content with my back and shoulders done, and maybe some of my stomach. Everything else I’ve come to terms with, sort of.

@LAgirl
Yeah, I’m working on it. I don’t want to label it as BDD yet, because there are several more symptons I’ve been working on in therapy. So far, so good, though. I already feel a lot better most of the days (some of them are truly miserable, unfortunately!).

@NotSmooth
I never said laser doesn’t work. I’ve been treated twice, and I can already see a diference. It hasn’t become any finer yet, but it’s definitely more sparse. Maybe you’re one of those very rare cases of non-respondant people? Try looking at electrolysis if laser did not work for you. Also: by calling laser a scam you’re sort of calling very nice people like LAgirl and Edokid liars. Laser worked for them, look their diaries up.

For those of you who happen to like soccer, do not forget to root for either Brazil or Italy. Forza Azzurra!

#36

I’m with MagicalPrincessKitty on this one, probably because my hubby is hairy all over like a gorilla & I think he’s the most gorgeous man on the planet.

Of course only you know what you are prepared to tolerate on yourself PC, & I’m glad the laser is starting to work for you - good luck with it.

Those vuvuzulas are driving me bonkers- I actually looked outside for the swarm of bees when hubby was watching the first match on telly. We’re rooting for the Ivory Coast 'cos he’s drawn them in the work sweepstake, although if they win (are they likely to?) he’ll have to buy everyone at work a pint so won’t be better off.

#37

NotSmooth, laser only works on coarse dense hair. It can make fine hair worse, so fine hair shouldn’t be treated. You should blame your clinic for treating hair that shouldn’t have been treated in the first place. Your experience is not a good example of what LHR can do for people who are actually good candidates.

#38

I don’t like lots of body hair on a man. My dad doesn’t have much body hair. If you want to appeal to the most women, get the hair reduced/removed over time starting with the most important areas. I’d say the worst places for a man to have lots of hair are the back and stomach…really dense coarse hair on the butt wouldn’t be attractive to me, or legs or arms, but all the same men have it lots easier than women when it comes to what’s acceptable to the opposite sex.

#39

i know for a FACT that laser doesnt work for male on back, shoulder, bumm. it REDUCE hair on lower back, legs, chest!

my brother, my cuosin, 2 of my best freinds, and my brothers friend all went to deffrent clinics results on back and shoulders : all the same - nada! you belive whatever you want, im onlly giving you the facts as it is in real life. lazer = shit in some areas, and crap (lesser form of shit) in others, but do what you want, waste you money, be my guest lol :slight_smile:

#40

What’s wrong with hair on a man’s stomach? Pretty much everyone has it. The only areas that are questioned by society are back/shoulders and butt. And even then, most men have it in varying degrees.