I’m not even going to post before pictures because I’m trying to accept the new me for all the mistakes I’ve made but trust me when I say, all of these blemishes, dents, redness and bumps have been caused by electrolyis, (and probably a bit of sun damage) I’m not sure which method exactly but too much heat was used and has caused horrendous acne scarring, quite a lot I believe I’m going to have to live with now.
I’m still in hopes that a lot of this will heal as it is still quite red, but im really concerned that the bigger scars are permanent and I’m going to have dots all over my face, its hard for me to say what parts of it are actually scars or just indents where skin is swollen.
I have been having electrolysis treatments for around a year and up until recently, I never realised there was a problem with my treatment. I was being lied to by my electrolygist who told me everything that was going on was normal and I suppose to her and her treatment standards, it was. She told me everyone needs a little microneedling after electrolysis and I remained ignorant to how bad my treatment was until I started doing some research after my last session (around a month ago) and realised how permanent my completely new skin issues were. This drove me to an absolute spiral of pain and blaming myself for my ignorance and I’ve started a whole new phase of grief for the person I was in the backlog of my camera roll, wishing I could tell her about laser and what it can do to get rid of the darkness in her face and her perfect untouched skin.
This has been very difficult for me to come to terms with since before all this scarring, the fact that I was dealing with facial hair wasn’t nearly as noticeable and mostly could’ve been solved with a little bit of laser. I’ve cried and cried about it and talked about it with my partner before coming to the conclusion:
My worth is not defined by how well I “pass”, I am beautful right now. acne scarring can be covered up with makeup if I need it for safety reasons however ultimately, I need to be put into environments where my transness is not an issue for those around me.
Moving forward, I’m taking a step back from all treatments, keeping my skin as hydrated and moisturised as I possibly can and I’m going to try and love and accept the new reality I’ve created for myself, anyone reading this going through something similar, please understand: you are beautiful, you always were, theres nothing we can do to change the past and the fact that others treat us differently based on us not hitting their mark will always be and always has been a them problem, the best we can do for happy lives is to find love and happiness and purpose in our lives, whether that means, moving country or finding a new career path, there are people out there who will love you regardless of your so called flaws.