Do I out myself as a TS to the electrologist?

Special Issues Transgender / Transsexual
#1

Hi, I am a MTF TS living in deep stealth and will soon be starting electrolyisis of the beard.

Do I need to out myself as a TS to my electrologist before calling around for quotes and choosing one?

Or can I just say I am a female with a hair problem on the face?

I absolutely hate outing myself, even in the ER or with doctors.

My plan is to just start electrolyiss on my thick bushy eyebrows, then casually mention to her that I have a facial hair problem. No need to mention I am a TS, right?

Thanks!

#2

Hi Again Milleena:

If you are stealth then there is no reason to out yourself. I presented as a male when I first went to my lady for hair removal, even though I had lots of feminine jewelry, hair,earings, etc…

When I came out full time, I had to tell her and she was cool about it.

Most electrolygists deal with trans customers, so even if they knew they would be OK with it. You don’t have to tell them unless you want to. Lots of women have hair problems, and you are a woman now. Besides if you are stealth you want to keep being that. So don’t tell them.

Alicia

#3

Since you are another person who did not bother to fill out the registration form <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> we have no idea about where you are, and that would actually help in answering this question.

The truth is, your electrologist will probably read you anyway. The question then becomes, how does your electrologist feel about treating transexuals. Some, like me, say, the more the merrier, I could not find a million hairs a year to remove without transexuals. Others, like a lady who confronted me on this issue would say, “I don’t aide and abet in the commission of sin!”

You may not like it, but it is better to know up front that you have an electrologist who is trans friendly, than to try to be stealth, and only succeed in creating a bad scene. The truth is straight men have a hard time finding an electrologist who is willing to do work on them. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is many electrologists don’t want to do the work that a male beard involves, and others simply can’t work fast enough to make any headway.

You are best off finding the best trans friendly electrologist in your area who has trans clients who are done and happy, or traveling to see someone who is a good electrologist, trans friendly, and fast.

#4

Hi:

In my case I wasn’t out yet when I first went to see her, but after two years she got to know me pretty well.

I think that if you have some communications with TS women in your area they will be able to direct you too someone who is trans friendly. I know of two in my living area through word of mouth, and now can add my lady to that list.

If an electrolygist is not accepting of differences they will lose a lot of business. If they accept gay clients they would probably accept trans also. Not all gays are out front about that either.

Alicia

#5

As hard as this is for any normal person to grasp, many electrologists actually turn away what would be the largest segment of their business, if they would only accept these clients. Simple math tells you that any man has more hair to remove than any woman, and experience has shown me that most men are way more dedicated to doing hair removal right than the average woman, who frequently accepts the idea that she can get a treatment prior to a picture taking event, and just come when they have one of those, instead of working on ending the hair problem all together.

It is just a fact, that many electrologists won’t treat men, straight, gay or trans. It doesn’t make financial sense, but it is what it is.

#6

Hi:

I would think that kind of attitude is changing. My elecrolygist has done so in the past. I first went to her for laser treatment since she does both. I simply said I did not like shaving.

But lots of men get hair removal with laser these days,

and that includes all kinds of men from all walks of life.
But if a man wants to remove their facial air and is committed to taking the 200 hours necessary, then they would be foolish to turn away that business.

I may have a false impression about this since I have only seen the one person for these procedures. But I really do think the times are a changin, as Dylan would say as far as peoples attitudes go.

Alicia

#7

Hi everyone, thanks so much, and sorry for posting so much last night!

Regarding not filling out the reg. form, I didn’t since I prefer to protect my privacy. I am in the Philly area, if it matters.

I did have electrolysis performed in 1991, but stopped due to financial reasons. I was out back then when I called around for quotes and info. All of the practitioners I called had no problem with TS people, except one who told me she was uncomfortable with it. I called about 10-20 people back then to get quotes.

#8

Your privacy is not compromised by filling in Philly PA in the location section of your profile.

See, even you found someone willing to tell you that they were "uncomfortable with your proposal to give them a year’s worth of business. (average US work year = 2080 hours, average transsexual buys 300 electrology hours for the face alone = 7 transsexual clients equals a year’s worth of business. How many do you want to have in your cient file?)

Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation has made it easier for anybody to find treatment, because on the one hand, LASER is usually done in an office by someone who is working for someone else. Employees don’t feel the same authority to turn away business that pays their salary. Second, with so many people trying LASER first, many people who would not accept what they viewed as “undesireable” clients in the past, have had to re-evaluate the realities of paying the mortgage.

Many won’t do Transsexuals, even when they do men, because they don’t want to do the genital electrolysis they are sure they will be asked to do if they do all the beard work. There they go turning away business again.

This is some people, I am not saying it is all electrologists. It just is not as easy as cracking open the phone book (many electrologists can’t be found there anyway) and calling any name you see to schedule your work if you were born male, no matter what your intentions for the future may be.

#9

Actually, it was only one person out of about 20 (IIRC) that I called that said she was uncomfortable. She mentioned she had never dealth with a TS person before, and I assume it was just out of fear of the unknown. This was in the Rochester, NY area where I used to live. I chose their names from the phone book.

Most were fine with it, and electrologists are like beauticians to me–they deal with lots of gay people and the like in their training and work, so they are accustomed to it.

<< This is some people, I am not saying it is all electrologists. It just is not as easy as cracking open the phone book (many electrologists can’t be found there anyway) and calling any name you see to schedule your work if you were born male, no matter what your ententions for the future may be. >>

That is why I wanted to go in as stealth at first, so if they did have objections, they would either not know I was TS, or they would get to know me by first doing my eyebrows (an innocent area), then they would realize that TS are just normal people, and would have no problem dealing with facial hair. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (I don’t bite!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

#10

I have worked on a few tranies who didn’t want to out themselves. But I knew. I respcetfully dont talk about it if you don’t want to.

#11

Hi Learner:

Even if you suspected they were transsexual, you don't really know for sure unless they tell you. It is probably wise not to say anything if they do not want to say anything to you.

When my time came to go full time, I let my electrolygist know and she was fine with it. You could let them know by your other conversations that you are accepting of people who are different? Maybe when discussing movies, and the topic of Brokeback Mountain or Transamerica came up, you could let them know that you thought the people in the movie were brave people, or you liked the movie. If you show them you are not a bigot, and they feel they want to tell you something they will.

Just so you know,:
Most transsexuals “really” dislike the term trannie.
A Trannie is a car part!

Alicia

#12

Thanks for the advice, that is why I came here
I respectfully remove the term from my vocabulary. I never used it professionally. I picked it up on trans generatiion on the logo channel. They called themselves t***

As for clients who didn’t want to out themselves I know that they were TG because the other people in the clinic (I have moved and work alone) told me before I worked on them. I also know he to she had had some surgery. As he didn’t bring it up neither did I. I say he because he came as a male. I just did my work.

Also I am working on an idividual who told me on the phone before setting an appointment to make sure I was okay with it. He doesn’t want to talk about it or anything for that matter, so we don’t talk. I wouldn’t force anyone who didn’t want to. I had a TG who wouldn’t stop talking I didn’t want to hear it from that individual as I don’t think he was honest to himself or to me. So he blabbed and I didn’t listen. It worked TG’s are as diverse as anyone

I haven’t seen the movies. Not to into popular culture but it is a thought.

#13

Hi Learner:

It is good to know that you are open to trans clients,
and that you respect their privacy if they don’t want to talk. If you show them that you are understanding and sympathetic then they will probably be more willing to be open and honest about their motivations.

I never told my electrolygist till I was ready to go full time as a woman. I did know beforehand that she was understanding of people who were different such as gays, etc… We had a good relationship over the time I spent seeing her, and she was very understanding and supportive.
She likes to chat, so we do that on a wide variety of subjects.

Alicia

#14

Hi Milleena,

As an electrologist and MtF myself, I am naturally sensitive to the needs of my TG-TS clients. When I am doing a consultation with a new client, I have a section in my questionnaire which deals specifically with this issue, however it is labeled optional! If any client of mine does not want to out herself, I will respect her wishes. However, I usually know immediately if I am dealing with a TG-TS client as there are some very basic differences between the skins of males and females, especially in the early stages of transition.

One other thing of note: Most of the consultation questionnaires I’ve seen do have a section on “Current Medications”. This needs to be filled out accurately as certain medications from antidepressants to Zyrtec can have either short or long-term effects on treatment from increased reaction to treatment to acceleration of hair growth. Because of this, you should accurately advise your electrologist of any and all medications that you currently taking. Unfortunately, this has the potential to “out” you to your electrologist.

One thing that I will state for the record. I consider the medical and personal information of my clients to be privileged and I will not divulge any information about them to anyone without their express, written permission. I go to great lengths to protect my client’s privacy and prefer not to hear or repeat any gossip and will immediately change the subject.

This is my take on the subject. All the best!
Joanie
[color:“blue”] [/color]

#15

Hi Joanie:

Nice to hear from you.

I found that my skin was more sensitive to electrolysis
after starting HRT. What is your experience with that?

After I came out to my electrolygist whom I was seeing for
a year and a half previously I found out that she did have some other trans clients too.

It is nice to see that there are getting to be more M2F electrolygists out there. I have an old friend who is M2F who also got into electrolysis.

Alicia

#16

I have worked in a few different electrology offices and we never turned anyone away because they were transitioning; never heard of anyone being turned away for that reason.

Some people in transition want to talk about it; others do not.

On my current case history form, I don’t even ask for gender.

#17

Hi Arlene:

I am glad to hear that, and I am sure that
your clients would appreciate it.

I think it is important that you have a good relationship with a client and that you both are comfortable with each other. I happen to like my electrolygist and vice versa. If I had an electrolygist who was not comfortable with me, I would probably go elsewhere.

I think there are probably some moral, uptights out there who might show their disaproval in subtle ways. I think that women in general are more understanding and empathetic.

Alicia

#18

One thing that all electrologists have to know to stay in business is to respect the confidential nature of the relationship. And to not force anyone into conversation they don’t want to have. It is also difficult to remove a beard in motion. Any how I caught that you were M-F on the electrolysis chat whether you meant to out yourself or not. So we know anyway.

Milleena, if you want to keep the relationship professional you aren’t abliged to talk about it. I don’t discuss my sex life with the gynie and I am sure she doesn’t want to know.

#19

Hi Learner:

I have not hidden the fact I am TS on these boards.

I was not out to my electrolygist though until I went full time, and as I said she was very understanding and accepting.

I am glad that you respect your patients privacy. I believe in respect for the person as well as their privacy.
If you want respect in life you have to give some.

My electrolygist and I do chat, but I am careful not to move or talk when she is working in an area where it might interfere with her work. It does make the time go a bit faster, and we get along well. I think chemistry is important when you spend so many hours together.

Alicia

#20

Sorry it took me so long to reply to this post, but things have been very interesting for me lately. Not necessarily fun, but definately interesting! I’ve been working on a part time basis for two electrology practices in the L.A. area while a couple of friends went on vacation and needed a couple of people to help out with their practices.

As far as outing myself goes, I really haven’t tried to do much in the way of stealth as my development to date still makes it very easy for me to stay in the boy mode when I need to. This is starting to become a little more difficult as my, errr, North America is beginning to show a definate increase of land masses.

The biggest problem I’ve had in dealing with the situation lately has been the fact that since the introduction of HRT, I have become much more susceptable to tears! I’ve got a 30-year cry coming to me when I have the time!

Back to the post: I have had several clients that were M2F and while they were hesitant to talk about it to begin with, when they did out themselves to me, we were able to make much better long-term plans for their course of treatment. Two of them were heading for SRS and really hadn’t thought about the fact that they would most likely like to have the surgical areas cleared prior to having the work done.

Case in point. Their secret is safe with me.

Joanie