Very sorry to hear your troubles, but try to cheer up and start the electrolysis as your budget allows. Do the obvious areas first. Take before and follow up pictures to document progress and cheer yourself up by it. I really don’t think it will be thousands of hours, especially if you start with laser to weaken the follicles and follow up with electrolysis right after. Too bad you’re not in LA or I would even give you a few hours of free face work to cheer you up and show you what the results can be. A young man such as yourself should not have such a bleak outlook.
Thank you for your kind words, Soft Touch. I appreciate the sentiment; it does not seem like a big issue for those who have never had this burden in their lives. I’m still managing to get by until I can have Carmella (an electrologist on this forum) treat my many areas (and possibly growing). I’m afraid that, until then, my outlook will remain static – I can only hope that I’ll get this cleaned up in time before I feel like throwing in the towel.
Cheers, and thank you. 
I know it doesn’t help in making you feel better, but I’m in a far worse position: Hairier (also covered from head to toe but with terminal hair popping all over the place, even a couple of terminal hairs on my ear’s helix now), older (30 yo), and with difficult access to high quality practitioners of either laser or electrolysis due to geography. Like you I’ve been obsessing about it since college, and I waited years before I finally got laser on the back, abdomen and chest (which sort of worked, but only just). I’m still waiting to properly start electrolysis on a proper schedule.
The best advice I can give you is to realize that you are yourself’s worst critic. Focus on a plan, and then pursue it relentlessly. Realize, sooner or later, you’re gonna be hair free, and don’t allow how you think others look at you determine who you really are.
Other than that, it’s just a matter of time…